THE BANK

A Thank You Blog....

2011-09-05T21:40:00.006-04:00

THE BANK opened December of 2008 and right from the start YOU embraced us. We wanted to take this opportunity to look back at a some of what we have accomplished together and to thank you for all YOU have done.

You have made THE BANK one of only a small handful of places to spend your nights and we could not be more appreciative.

We gambled on the premise that you wanted a little bit more from your “nights out”…and boy did YOU!!

Together we have change nightlife in Barrie and in the process added some much needed words to the Barrie vernacular.

Guest Lists: Since our opening, multiple bars have finally woken to the fact that our nights are special and important. That we actually like to “plan” these nights in advance and there is a better way than lining and stacking us like bewildered cattle roaming Dunlop.

Bottle Service: We were told this would never work in Barrie. That Barrie wasn’t Toronto. That Barrie wasn’t “sophisticated” enough. Together we proved the naysayers dead wrong. “Line by-pass” and “FREE Cover” are the spoils of this victory and Barrie is absolutely “sophisticated” enough. Did they think north of Toronto was rural Alabama?

Rooftop Patio: We were told this wasn’t feasible. That “walls of glass” and “ipe wood” was too costly and impractical. That Barrie was fine with pressure treated wood boxes and free plastic furniture provided by Beer Sponsors.Well you made SKYBANK the best Patio in Barrie as voted two years in a row (Barrie Advance). Next time you go to another patio that is a little nicer nowadays, pat yourself on the back. What we did here made everyone sit up and take notice. Love getting noticed.

Dignity: Remember the vomit and urine drenched floors of the bathrooms other places used to subject us to as if we were caged in a shoddy Animal Shelter? Well no more. Look around at the bars downtown and most (if not all) have proper facilities finally affording us some dignity. In most cases we have overturned decades of neglect, abuse and being taken for granted. Pant cuffs have never been happier.

Courtesy: When we first provided an awning to cover our valued customers waiting in line because we didn’t want them standing in a downpour, other bars took notice and now provide this simple accommodation. “Bar Hair” has been saved!

Style Code: For as long as we can remember we would see our nights out being degraded by those who didn’t have the decency to put even the tiniest of efforts into appearance. Together we have shown Barrie that is not how we wish to spend our nights. The Jersey Shore look is a whole other problem ;)

Photo Albums: Together we have created over 32,000 pictures capturing YOU and your special night out! Now you’ll find a photographer in most bars. We did that. Together we surely did…of course we are partial to our B Click ;)

Today we would like to thank all of YOU for ALL we have done together. On behalf of all of us at THE BANK and including each and every one of our fantastic staff we wanted to take this opportunity to let you know how humble and most grateful we are to YOU.

THANK YOU!

We're With Stupid, Unfortunately

2011-08-09T16:32:00.013-04:00

“When the US sneezes, Canada gets a cold”. This cautionary adage is all too true and why we are going to visit the problems to our Southern Border once again.

The US raised its debt ceiling for the 75^th time in 50 years, however this statement would lead you to believe it is business as usual, so why all the fuss??

The problem is not “how many”, the problem is “how much”.

Before getting started we must state we care nothing about Democrat vs Republican. Both parties are to blame as well as the Media and the American public. No one is absolved and everyone is complicit. They all had their roles in “Charlie Sheen and the Cocaine Factory”.

Here we go!

The cumulative budget deficits of the US reached $1T by 1980. That is all their annual budget shortfalls combined. Btw $1Trillion is enough money to give every household in American $15,000.

From 1980 to 1995 it had climbed to $5T, an average gain of $0.25T per year.

From 1995 to 2005, it had increased another $3T, an average gain of $0.3T per year.

However in the past 6 years it has increased $6.5T, an average gain of $1.1T per year! Furthermore last year they dug a ditch to the tune of $1.6T and this year the smart money is saying $2T.

Meaning the average American household will go into debt another $8.5T in 7 years! When the movie “Wedding Crashers” came out they owed $120,000 and come this Xmas they will owe $250,000.

Hallmark should be printing cards that say “How did you possibly think you could pay for all this shit?! Merry Christmas -You’re Fucked”

The average American household only earns $50,000 per year before taxes. Do you think they can square a bill that is climbing by $30,000 per year?

How fucked are the Americans? Their “10 year Forecast” (that is 10 years in a row of making up shit like GDP and Inflation to suit their needs) shows the deficit will balloon to $30T ($450,000 per household).

They can’t even fake getting out of this debacle in a decade when they are making the shit up! These are the same people that didn’t see the crash in 2008 coming so let's not pretend they can prognosticate like Nostrodamus.

You can bet the reality would be much, much worse than $30T, luckily the end will come sooner than their forecast.

Politicians to the rescue! Did I say “to the rescue”? I meant “to the TV’s to lie”!

Bringing us to the deal reached to raise the debt ceiling: Cut $2.1T over the next 10 years.

Funny how they say “cut”. They continue to rack up huge deficits every year of the forecast. The “cut” is only a disgustingly lame attempt to lessen how huge.

And how much did these preening monkeys “cut” in the next year (the only time period this Congress and President are assured of being at the helm)?

$0.028T or $28B.

To put that another way…They agreed to a 0.8% “cut” to the budget ($3.9T) in 2012. Not even a single percentage point! That is a “Need a Penny” Cup territory. So instead of spending $3,900,000,000,000, they are going to try and spend..... $3,872,000,000,000. Which is still an INCREASE over this year btw. Please tell us this is a joke.

Unfortunately…no. No, they are not joking.

This deal doesn’t even get to the meat of their feeble so-called cuts until 2016 when 70% of the $2.1T kicks in.

This is officially insanity.

But what the hell, the US has $60T+ in unfunded liabilities thanks to Social Security, Medicare and Medicaid, what’s another few Trillion more added to the grotesque debt pile.

You know how Americans accept that the 30 year olds of today that are paying into Social Security won’t be getting it? Well guess what…neither will the Baby Boomers. That’s right. The real shocker is this Ponzi scheme won’t even last long enough for them.

The inevitable downgrade of the US Credit Rating by Standard’s and Poors is not surprising, unless you are surprised by how long it has taken and how minimal it is. This is only the “tip of the Iceberg” and the “USS America” is going down.

The US is unsustainable. All levels of Governments are nearing the end. The curtain hiding the mighty Wizard of Oz still has not been fully pulled back by the world to reveal the feeble old man with the shameful levers and pulleys.

The Emperor is wearing no clothes and we are nearing the time his frost bitten ass will affirm this fact.

And so the decline continues….SNAFU

Sex and The Numbers

2011-06-22T21:05:00.008-04:00

What is the average number of sexual partners for a 25 year old? Well that depends on who you are asking of course.

I was sitting around with a large group of guys in their 20’s and this question popped up. Before gleaning the proper estimate, they added the wrinkle that this “average” person was of the somewhat good looking and popular nature to create a stable sampling. No bookish types messing the numbers up.

After a bit of back and forth they came up with this: Guys 20-25. Girls 4-7.

I asked “Since the numbers aren’t balanced then are these guys sleeping with their parent’s friends or other guys?”

This started a melee that I will save you the tedium of but essentially what we have on display is hubris, or to put it another way...the male ego. Guys want their numbers high and they want to believe a girl’s are low.

What I tried to explain, mostly in vain, was the numbers have to be the same for both genders. The ledger has to balance. The only way to skew guys so much higher would be if the vast majority of his sex was with girls that were 26+ years old “at the time of the encounter”.

The average good looking 25 year old guy has been having sex for roughly a decade and chances are most of that sex has been with girls well under the age of 26 at that time. If he lost his virginity at 16, chances are she was 16. If he got laid at Prom, he probably wasn’t taking a 27 year old.

Every time a guy has sex, it counts for him and her. “Tick” on his side of the ledger. “Tick” on her side of the ledger.

At this point most of my twenty-something friends were looking at me as if they had paws and I was wailing on a Dog Whistle.

Finally one proffered this nugget. “A minority of slutty girls are putting up big numbers and affecting the average.”

Really?

Let’s say there were two girls called “Rosie Rotten-Crotch” and “Suzy Nice-n-Tight” and they were banging the world and cranked up numbers of 100+ each. A guy can bang them both all he wants but it still only counts for 2 on his side of the ledger. He still has to go out and bang another 20 freshies to get in the proposed range. And those 20 “hits”, if they are roughly his age, will have to count on all those “nice girl” ledgers.

Averages are averages and the math doesn’t lie.

So where does this leave us and what is the truth? My guess is there is a little fibbing going on, on both sides.

To bring the guys numbers down or a girls up, you would have to rule on “Just the Tip”. Guys count it and girls usually don’t. Guys also have a tendency toward “Fish Stories”. You don’t see women in a bar regaling people with a story that has the line “It was 10 feet long if it was a foot”.

Now when it comes to malfeasance girls have us guys licked. For they know most guys covet a virginal girl so they fight like hell to keep that number down. They accomplish this by playing the "It Doesn't Count Game".

For example; “It was on vacation”, “I was drunk”, “He was drunk”, “It wasn’t long enough” (that can be used two different ways of course). “I don’t remember”, “It was hate sex”, “It was pity sex”, “My bf pissed me off that day”, "I didn't get off", "He didn't get off", "Justin Timberlake promised it'd be our secret" and the list goes on and on.

The end result is guys count everything and then some, while girls have a more selective memory.

So instead of worrying about the fact that girls are having exactly as much sex as you fellas, try and enjoy the sex you are having ;)

Manifest Destiny?

2011-05-11T10:58:00.003-04:00

Stephen Harper won a majority and Osama Bin Laden was killed, now which is the bigger story? I suppose that seems too easy given the media hype over the latter but I am here to say the real answer is the former.

The closest thing to a dictatorship in a democracy is a Parliamentary Majority.

Harper doesn’t need to ask his 167 MP’s how to govern. He can decide, hand them their marching orders and pass swift legislation. This is not a Conservative reality, this is a Parliamentary reality. We are about to see someone with the ability to make virtually any decision in the face of an economically crumbling world without the need to pacify public opinion.

This is a key point, as most people couldn’t run a corner store so polling them on how they “feel” is not always an effective way to govern an entire Country.

Bin Laden on the other hand was shot point blank surrounded by 24 highly trained Navy Seals, none of which suffered so much as a scratch in a “fire fight”. Was there no value to asking terrorist Number One a question or two? Was he so inconsequential it was more important to move his body posthumously for an impromptu Sea Burial?

The wars in Afghanistan and Iraq are still churning as I write this and will continue in the foreseeable future.

American’s are still paranoid, distracted and broke.

Interestingly Americans took this news as if they were a Nation of Forest Gumps whose team had just won the big game and began celebrating in the streets. A reaction I found distasteful and juvenile. I watched like a curious dog with a crooked neck. Had these people lost the plot? Are these ruffians really the manifest destiny they think they are?

I can see this was an accomplishment worthy of some relief and vaguely connective pride but where was the perspective? American death toll in “The War on Terror” approaches 10,000 and you can add many more 10’s of thousands on the other side.

People wrongly compared this death to that of Hitler because everything in America still gets compared to Hitler. That death however ended a World War. Bin Laden’s death is a trophy mount, a gold sticker, “a fucking tee shirt. At best”, to quote Brad Pitt.

The perspective is this: America killed a Boogeyman.

In the last 9+ years Bin Laden was unable to pull off another attack. He failed to harm a single person out of 300,000,000 obese Americans trundling about the third largest country on planet earth. Herbert from Family Guy had more teeth.

For Chrissake lighting picked off 400 Americans in 9 years and it wasn’t even trying.

If you’ve been reading this blog, one thing you know for sure is that America is in horrific financial trouble. These Yanks are going bust quicker than Bill Maher sold his Libertarian beliefs and we Canadians need to prepare for the worst.

I hope Harper will know what to do when the shit hits the fan because America seems happy to shoot first, ask questions later and party like they’ve won something.

Here Lies the USA Economy. RIP

2011-04-17T17:19:00.013-04:00

In a nutshell the USA is starting to realize how utterly and hopelessly screwed they are. Unfortunately none of these wet-noodled leaders are going to do a damn thing about it. Perhaps they know the truth. They can’t.

The Republican's and the Democrats have released plans to reduce the deficit ($4.4 Trillion over 10 years and $4 Trillion over 12 years respectively). Sounds like progress right?

Not even close.

Neither actually reduces the deficit. These make-believe plans are only attempts to reduce the amount they will be going into debt each year.

These plans are like telling your alcoholic Uncle that he needs to stop drinking or he’ll die…if he was deaf… and your were wearing oven mitts…and your lips were crazy glued shut….while you drove him to the LCBO…and bought him booze.

These plans are so stubbornly useless that even with grotesquely fabricated “Inflation” and “GDP” estimates blended into the mix, they still can’t show themselves not running massive annual deficits in a decade!

Might as well buy your Uncle barrels of his favorite booze, place him in Depends undergarments and cheer on the inevitable.

Also it’s worth noting none of these “law makers” will even be in power in 10 years to account for how pathetically wrong they were. It’s a cute trick.

Oh and how much of the cutting in these plans will take place over the next 2 years when they are actually "in power”?

2.5%.

That's right. 2.5% of these plans affect the next 2 years. The other 97.5% kicks-in during the last 8-10 years. That's how cute these buggers are.

Doing virtually nothing is a plan I suppose. Eventually your drunkie Uncle will die and he will no longer be drinking, so problem solved.

Obama even had the audacity (and not the Hope kind) to give a speech about what kind of America they should be. Broke I'm guessing.

And before you think raising taxes on the rich is the solution here is the truth:

Every person who made over $100,000 in 2008 ($100,000 is not rich btw) had a total combined taxable income of $1.582 Trillion (Wall Street Journal).

The Government is already getting $650B of that with current Federal and State taxes leaving the "rich" with roughly $900B of net earnings.

Now if you taxed the "rich" at 100%. That’s right. Take every dime they make and left them with nothing…the Government would still be running a deficit of $700B.

Of course the deficit will only be $700B if projections are spot on. Last year they estimated they’d go in the ditch $1.2 Trillion but ended up at $1.6 Trillion. That is a miss of $400B or 33%. Nice going fellas.

Putting aside everyone who used to make over $100,000 is now making $0 and the economy is dead. We still have to find another $700B to balance this budget!

One slight problem... the remaining citizens (all those that make under $100,000 per year) don’t have $700B left in their pockets after paying their existing taxes.

That's right. If you take 100% of EVERY citizen's income...every last dime of every American’s earnings for the entire year...you still can't balance one single year of the budget.

Now that is a colossal clusterfuck.

In 2000 the cumulative budget deficits of the USA was $4T.

By 2008 it climbed another $4T to a new total of $8T

In the last 3 years it has grown another $6T to a total of $14T.

Americans are now amassing more debt in 3 years then they did in the 60’s, 70’s, 80’s and 90’s…combined!

Not bad enough for you?

The low interest rates of the past 10 years, coupled with American’s ability to write off mortgage payments against their income, has incentivized it’s citizenry to borrow against any equity they once had... and spend it.

That’s right. Private debt doubled in the last 10 years as people borrowed and spent their future.

Hard to let a temporarily low interest rate suck you into squandering your future but those plucky Yanks sure did.

To add insult to injury all that spending didn’t help the economy all that much in America. That’s because they don’t manufacture anything. Ask the now 14,000,000 millionaires in China how well all that American spending worked out.

Ok now your Uncle has no food in the cupboards and is strictly living on booze could it be any worse?

Oh yes it can.

We are all familiar with the looming worry over aging Baby Boomers and the $50+ Trillon Entitlement Programs (Medicaid, Medicare and Social Security). What is less known is how fortunate the USA has been for decades.

You see in the Dirty 30’s there was a depression going on and in the early 40’s a World War. Baby production was in a lull for 15 years and it is those “Lull Babies” who have been utilizing Entitlement Programs for the last 15 years.

Amazingly the Government has been going bust taking care of the “Lull Babies” with the aid of the massive Boomer Demo in the workforce and paying the bills.

Over the next 5 years those Boomers are going to push off of payrolls and onto the Dole and then instead of a “lull” at the public trough…you’ll have Ka-“Boom”.

All bets are off after that.

The invincibility cloak of America will finally fall and lay bare for all the world to see…that in the end the greatest economy that ever was...got gutted.

And all anybody could do...was watch.

Bars, Sex and Facebook

2011-04-03T14:38:00.008-04:00

Facebook has become competition for the bar.

Prior to fb the bar was THE place for sexual interactions. Nothing else came close. All you needed was a wingman or two, a decent outfit and a bar that your type attended. As an added bonus the booze gave you liquid courage and forgiving “eyewear”.

Time and money also helped because not every night will “Mr. or Miss Right” be out, so there was a statistical advantage in going out often and making a scene. You can’t score if you aren’t shooting.

Facebook has lessened the necessity of the “Bar Star” approach. It’s become “Coles Notes” for the bar. Rather than sporadically scrutinizing an object of affection amongst ever present competition you can now follow up while couch surfing and eating Doritos with the innocuous “Friend Request”.

So once the friend request is accepted, what’s first?

Photos. Most people go right for bathing suit pictures and I’m pretty sure I don’t need to explain why. “Cancun 2011” it is then.

After that mild invasion, the “picture creep” may continue. Of course it can also end as quickly as a blind date. People know what they like and these pics are the “first impression”.

A good rule of thumb with pictures is “Don’t bore the shit out of people”.

Photo albums max at 200 pics. Please don’t “max-out”. People are not interested in 15 pictures of the same piece of blurry coral or a wonky sunset! Do some editing for the audience. I wouldn’t go through 200 pictures from the Japan Tsunami so an all-inclusive vacay doesn’t need to be documented better than an epic disaster. Tighten it up.

Curtail the number of albums. Here girls are generally the culprits as they treat every night as an “Event”. Multiple pictures of the “hand on the hip” group shots in every album is overkill. Pick the best and shelve the rest. We aren’t documenting human history. You know those amazing nature programs that catch animals in astonishing action? Well those are the result of 100’s of hours of effort for a 10 second segment. They know “Money Shots” are what the people want...and so should we.

For guys it is “Profile Pictures” with reams of their favorite sports logos and their view of “the game” from the nosebleeds. We can watch the game in HD so one pic is enough to let everyone know you got out of the house. And six Maple Leaf logos is too much. Even if you are in the NHL and play for the Leafs, it is too much. We get it. You really really really like a particular hockey team, or soccer team, or Nascar driver. Throw it under your likes and let’s consider it covered. Oh and fellas…. 1 or 2 pics of your whip suffices, this isn’t autotrader.

Feel Free to untag. If someone else is committing the major sin of boring us on your behalf do not lose a wink of sleep over untagging the 8 shots in a row of you making a “funny” face or eating dinner at that badly lit restaurant where you’re at the end of the table and are getting mercy tagged to death.

Now if the creeping has moved to “info” then they like what they’ve seen so now let’s reward them with something illuminating… “who” you are.

Take some time and give a fair cross-section of your likes.

We used to ask “what music do you like” but unless searching for a jazz aficionado this is usually pointless as most people like “all kinds of music”. So don’t waste a lot of time here. Around five artists should cover it, you are not making a mixed CD. Now a “Dislike” would be a nice touch (are you listening fb?!), one click on “Dislike Country” and bye bye Daisy Duke.

Movies are the new “Book”. Your favorite movies give a strong indication of where you live and breathe and what moves you as a person. Ladies, we get that Notebook will probably be in there and Fellas… Scarface but put in a little more effort here. 10 movies should be your goal just so we can by-pass the ubiquitous.

There is no use “pretending” who you are. Let your freak flag fly if that’s what floats your boat. If one person loves Adam Sandler flics and anything with the word “Saw”, while the other likes “Casablanca” and “Annie Hall” then lets save everybody some time. Even though they looked hot in Cancun…this is one night stand territory.

Finally we move to the wall. Here can be seen not only who they interact with (pics gave us that already) but as importantly is the “way” they interact. Are you a chivalrous Momma’s boy? Then take note if her and her friends casually refer to each other as “whores” and “sluts” and save some Xmas Dinner unpleasantness.

Are they putting up reams of boring YouTube music videos? They are either too fond of run-of-the-mill videography or attention starved with nothing interesting to say. Oh and if those are love sick songs…check back again in 6 months.

What are their statuses like?

If they are a constant complainer then you’ll be joining the ice hut brigade on Kempenfelt Bay every year to get away from the harping.

If they are ecstatic one day, then a “FML’er” the next because of a missed appointment, then you’ve got yourself a manic and you better love rollercoasters and talking to yourself (because “they have their own damn problems or haven’t you been listening!”)

If they only update when they have something to brag about then their “look at me” is going to need a lot of “Yep look at you! You are incredible…*insecure mind you*…but incredible!” from you.

Facebook has gone far beyond a fancy way of catching up with family and friends. It is giving people an actual sense of community and belonging. It quenches that anxious human thirst of “Am I missing anything?” And most amazingly, it is creating bonds without uttering a single word.

Facebook has become dating. Perhaps even better, it is a 3D resume for paramours that they can request and review at their leisure. So look sharp!

A Link to Our Newest Video for THE BANK

2011-03-31T12:36:00.010-04:00

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YgxJpFLtf4Q&feature=channel_video_title

All The Time in The World

2011-03-22T18:50:00.030-04:00

A tremendous amount can be gained through perspective. A steak in cellophane, for example, does not tell the story of the slaughter house nor the wistful days spent chewing cud nor the evolution of the cow as a species.

For some perspective on the Human Experience let us first construct a large scale "timeline". One so large we could drive it. Highway 400 it is.

The 400 Highway from Barrie to the 401 in T.O. is 74kms long and at an average speed of 100 kms/hr you could traverse the entire length of this (our representative timeline) in 44.5 minutes. About 2 Family Guy episodes if you took out all the commercials.

This will represent the “Known Universe” and the basis for a little perspective.

Therefore:

Known Universe- 13.6B (13,600,000,000) years = 74kms and 44.5 mins. Our entire drive to T.O.

Now for some fun!

Earth - 4.5B years old = 24.5 kms and 14.7 mins. Roughly 1/3 of the trip is how long our beloved blue dot has existed.

Dinosaurs Ruled the Earth - 160M (160,000,000) years = 0.87kms and 30 seconds. That’s right you would cover what would seem a very large time frame in a mere half minute.

Homo sapiens – 200,000 years and counting = 92cm and 0.0375 seconds. Our entire walking upright existence is roughly the length of 1/3 of one white dash on the 400 (yes those are 10’ long) and you would drive by it faster than a blink of an eye. Actually 3X faster than the blink of an eye!

Human Civilization – 15,000 years (this is when we moved out of the caves and started bowing to Moon and Sun Gods) = 6.9cm or about the length of your pointing finger. At this point time has become absurd as it is already doubtful at 100 kms/hr you would even notice something by the road as long as your finger.

The Bible – First draft 1685 years ago = 7mm. Now this distance is half the width of a thumb nail and would be absolutely unnoticeable from our car. To call this a blip would be a remarkable affront to the word "blip".

How Long Ago Did Mankind’s Population Reach 1B – 200 years ago = less than 1mm or a single grain of salt. Also meaning if you live a full life you would be represented by less than half a grain of salt by the side of the 74 km Highway

Rate Mankind Currently Adds 1B to our Population – 12 years…about the width of a human hair.

In conclusion, on our journey to T.O. we of course noticed the time Earth has stood and we absolutely would take notice of the 30 second streak that was the tenure of the Dinos. However, by contrast Homo sapiens existence (less than a meter) would've been missed if we blinked. And our own lives (1/2 mm)...could be categorized under the unfortunate title of "Infinitesimal".

Also, annoyingly, you will have gotten that our population is out of control. It took homo sapiens 200,000 years (3 feet) to get to a number we now add in a scant 12 years (human hair thickness). Whoa.

And finally, for 99.99999990% of this timeline there was no Christianity, no Islam and no Judaism. Meaning most people today use the perception of 7mm to explain all 74 kms. Embarrassingly this perception was conceived well before books even existed (Gutenberg didn't changed that until 1439)

Of course if you are a Creationist then your perspective is the whole thing is 6000 years old...in which case please dismiss everything you just read :)

Obama - FAIL

2011-02-27T17:26:00.011-05:00

Obama put forth his 2012 budget and the dream of “Change” is officially dead. It didn’t happen. He wasn’t what was hoped for. Sorry but that is the hard truth.

Now before Obama-ites who are still too swooned to see the big picture let’s have the disclosures. ALL politicians are terrible generally speaking, Republican and Democrats, no exceptions. Secondly he did inherit a shit storm but that meant Americans more desperately needed drastic change.

The shape of the American Economy is horrific. Gag inducingly horrific. And Obama’s inexplicably lame attempt has been to affix one of those crappy extendable umbrellas to the railing of the Titanic. It’s been useless, useless and ugly.

How horrific is the State of the Union? Their trade imbalance is history making bad, as bad as every debtor nation in the world…combined. The Fed has no room to lower the rate to stimulate. They have to print money to buy their own bonds because no other country will buy them. They lie about their inflation. Their education system is failing. They are dependent on other nations for life sustaining oil AND water. And if you taxed every American 100% they would still have a deficit.

It's Joan of Arc tied to a pillar bad.

The budget for 2012 is $3.7 Trillion. The forecast shortfall is $1.65 Trillion. That is yet another record, third consecutive record shortfall for both the nation and for Obama. Meanwhile underemployment is still near 20% for 2 years running meaning all this spending hasn’t translated to any “jobs” for the masses. How much is a $1.6 Trillion shortfall? Enough to give every American family $30,000... staggering.

Yet here we have Obama doing the rounds telling Americans enough is enough and that they are slashing spending. Is he a bloody comedian now?! He is “forecasting” $1.1 Trillion in “savings” over 10 Years. In 10 Years?! Is he serious? He doesn’t know what’ll be going on in 1 year let alone 5 or the absurd 10. His term could be up after this year. What can he know about the actions of future Presidents and Congresses?

In this year’s budget, the only one that he does have control over, the only budget that actually matters for him…he isn’t going to do a God Damned thing. Actually that isn’t fair. He’s going to make it worse. Now it’s fair. He’s going to make it worse and hide behind offensive claims on the future.

Think I’m being too harsh on Obama’s “forecasts”? Last year he forecasted a shortfall of $1.2 Trillion. It was $1.6 Trillion. He was off by $400B! That is a 33% miss in just 1 year! Hell $400B is a huge chunk of his 10 year fictitious dream.

Other Administrations are no better, Bush couldn’t even see the greatest recession since the depression coming in 2008…in 2007. These guys know nothing about the future. They only know how to lie about the future, doing nothing in the present…while everything is careening off the rails.

There are no “cuts” this year. It’s business as usual. Cook the books down the road. Lie about GDP growth, inflation and interest rates to your advantage and show a rosey future. There! We’re fixing it!

The end result is undeniable. Obama when faced with an inherited shit storm…did nothing. When the big fight was needed over entitlements and defense (more than half the budget) he did nothing. He failed. He didn’t even show up. He was a taller Bush. And the US’s economy and reality became more and more catastrophically unavoidable.

6 Best Christmas Movies of All Time

2010-12-24T15:57:00.014-05:00

BAD SANTA

The late John Ritter and Bernie Mac shine in their supporting roles but it is Billy Bob Thornton's transcendent performance that allows us to route for this despicable person.

"Look, I’ve boned a lot of fat chicks in my time, sure. But as far as I can recall, I’ve never fornicated anybody"

THE FAMILY MAN

Nicolas Cage gets a glimpse of a life that might have been and it's more powerful than he and ultimately we the audience expects. The heart of this movie is the relationship between Cage and Leoni but it's the little girl that gives it soul.

"If you need this, Jack, if you really need this, I will take these kids from a life they love and I'll take myself from the only home we've ever shared together and I'll move wherever you need to go. I'll do that because I love you. I love you, and that's more important to me than our address. I choose us."

ELF

It may be at times a little strained however the "Baby it's Cold Outside" bathroom duet is enough for me to love this movie. Ferrell plays wide-eyed better than anyone in the business and I dare you not to smile when he's at the doctors eating cotton balls like cotton candy in front of a frustrated Caan.

"Buddy the Elf, what's your favorite color?" - Buddy answering a phone

DIE HARD

The movie that made Bruce Willis a superstar still holds up astonishingly well today...and the biggest reason why (and why Die Hard 2,3 and 4 don't) is Alan Rickman. Rickman's mannered use of the English language is a special effect all it's own.

"You know my name but who are you? Just another American who saw too many movies as a child? Another orphan of a bankrupt culture who thinks he's John Wayne? Rambo? Marshal Dillon?"

NATIONAL LAMPOON'S CHRISTMAS VACATION

Remember when Chevy Chase used to be funny? Well this movie does. The best of the series by far and thanks to Randy Quaid as Eddie, an unmissable classic. Here is Eddie explaining to Clark about the plate in his head:

"Every time Catherine revved up the microwave, I'd piss my pants and forget who I was for about half an hour or so."

LOVE ACTUALLY

A movie with 8 different vignettes that leaves some viewers indifferent overall is still one of my favorites. And it all comes down to the final words by Grant. A reminder that although disperate in appearance we all take part in the human experience.

"Whenever I get gloomy with the state of the world, I think about the arrivals gate at Heathrow Airport. General opinions starting to make out that we live in a world of hatred and greed, but I don't see that. It seems to me that love is everywhere. Often, it's not particularly dignified or newsworthy, but it's always there - fathers and sons, mothers and daughters, husbands and wives, boyfriends, girlfriends, old friends. When the planes hit the Twin Towers, as far as I know, none of the phone calls from the people on board were messages of hate or revenge - they were all messages of love. If you look for it, I've got a sneaking suspicion... love actually is all around"

Merry Christmas Everyone!

Your Friends at THE BANK

Thanks For The Memories 2010

2010-12-20T13:12:00.016-05:00

BEST PICTURES of 2010

Sydney Crosby had virtually every Canadian on their feet simultaneously. Man hugs, beer spilling and fist pumping also set records that day in Canada.

This is the Carina Nebula. A 3 light year tall tower of dust and gas giving birth to stars. 3 light years btw, is 30 trillion kilometers (1600 times the width of our solar system). Amazing what God can do in in just 6000 years...uhem.

Prince William and Kate Middleton announced their engagement last month. Don't think that is a big deal? 1 in 6 people on the planet tuned in to watch his father marry Princess Diana. When you add in radio listers the number swells to 1 in 4. Trust me, when this wedding goes down...your girlfriend/wife will be watching and you'll "pretend" to not really care.

A supercell on a Montana prairie. This is what happens when a single person prays too hard for rain.

A man douses himself in flammable liquid, sets himself alight and jumps to his death from the Freedom Bridge in Budapest, Hungary. Not the way I'd chose to go if I'm honest.

James Cameron (director of the largest grossing film of all time: Avatar) kids around with his ex-wife Kathryn Bigelow who won the Best Picture Oscar for "The Hurt Locker". Or as I like to call it "The Shit Locker". What a terrible movie. James stop kidding and finish it!

The worst environmental disaster in American history unleashed 200,000,000 barrels of oil off Louisiana. Is it just me or are there an awful lot of "worst in history" benchmarks being set lately?

Chi Chi Chi Le Le Le. 33 miners were plucked from almost a kilometer underground after living in a dank hole for 69 days. These guys couldn't wait to get home to all those mistresses. Turns out Chilean miners are horny liars. But hey welcome back fellas!

These whale watchers in South Africa got a little too close to the action when a 40-ton whale jumped out of the ocean and onto the deck of the boat. All were fine except the boat. It looked like Rhianna after a Chris Brown reunion.

A young woman lies on the grave of U.S. Marine Lance Cpl. Noah Pier (25) in Arlington National Cemetery. Pier was killed February 16th in Afghanistan. I find this picture haunting. The tragedy is mixed with a serene beauty. I found myself imagining who this woman was and will she find the comfort this picture implies.

Once More Into The Breach Dear Friends

2010-12-14T15:06:00.010-05:00

After a 24+ hour dumping in our lovely snowbelt, we collectively wondered if it could get any worse.

Then it of course…it did.

The temperature rose and still more snow fell but this time it was the slushy backbreaking kind. And we wondered if it could get any worse.

Then of course…it did.

This time a cold snap descended upon us, instantly turning that thick wet veneer of snow into an impenetrable layer of fortified ice suitable for an American tank.

However yesterday and today are the Holy Grail of life in Barrie…a bitterly strong wind…with snow. This manages to create the beloved drifts that contour our landscape like a sub-zero Sahara. This exasperates the OCD shoveler as all clean/low spots instantly fill with a surging tide of unending and unyielding snow.

This is what forges the character of Canadian Belters. It separates the men from the boys and the women from the women who are uncomfortably good at sports. When the going gets tough, the tough curse, swear and shovel some more.

Many Belters hit the ski hills this time of year. Unfortunately for me I do not enjoy winter sport. I find them…well, cold. It never made much sense to me to exacerbate this frigid situation but adding speed and therefore windchill. Therefore I do as indigenous bears do. I hibernate and dream of green grass and warm winds.

Although I’m not proud of my decidedly duck and cover approach…I see I’m not alone. Facebook “Countown Status Season” is upon us. As other dreamers book vacation getaways, they pacify themselves with counting the days to this temporary liberation.

However we all know the truth. We are going to end up right back here and tormented for much longer yet…like Bill Murray in Groundhog Day or a wedding speech that begins with “I’m not very good at these”.

Trips of course carry with them the double wammy of spending our much coveted dollars, coupled with the inaction of not earning. Not an ideal long term solution. So is there another more consistent form of escape?

No. Not really.

Studies show we watch a hell of a lot more TV this time of year, clearly another by-product of my fellow hibernators. Reading books and exercise also gain slight upticks, but let’s be honest these aren’t as high up the list as we would like to pretend at cocktail parties. Cocktail parties being another activity none of us really partake in.

No I think what we do best as Canadians is grin and bear it. Buck up and get through it. It is what it is. Like death, taxes and a Chris Rock movie.

However this is what makes up the sour and the sweet of life. By braving the hardships of winter we can now truly appreciate and enjoy those idyllic summer nights.

Sure there will be days when our hands are so cold they ache; When we can’t shake a chill to the bone; When sniffing becomes a cadence in casual conversation that we not only accept but become oblivious to. Days that have heart pounding moments when our cars lose grip in such a way that impact seems imminent.

This is what binds us as Canadians. Better even…Belters. We endure, persevere and earn the right come summer time to say “This is a beauty fucking day”. For we know what a shitty day is. We know what a 100 shitty days strung together are.

So pass us a cold beer, pull back the deck chair and let me enjoy this moment more than any Californian could ever dare.

We may be at war right now my fellow Canadians, shoulder to shoulder in the foxhole, but with each passing day we get ever closer to our salvation…to victory.

Now That's More Like it

2010-12-02T17:51:00.014-05:00

Smoking a cigar is how my friends and I like to start a night out. It’s a great way to get our pump primed and to loosen up the mental dexterity.

This time of year we huddle around a fire and discuss the week that was. Some of it is simply catching up and can be tedious but mostly we talk about the big things that effect us all: The Economy. Religion. Politics.

People will tell you these are topics to be avoided because fundamentally most people have very disparate views at the outset. For example when we talk politics, we don’t want to piss away precious time with a pom-pom flailing cheerleader spewing useless logo loyalty and party platforms.

Politicians by their very self-serving nature are broken so comparing Conservatives to Liberals is as useless as painting walls to distract us from the dog dragging its arse across the carpet.

Do you know what it is I am getting at?

A meaningful conversation is challenging and fulfilling, so you don’t want it high-jacked by disjointed lunacy.

“Georgian Bay used to be under a Himalayan like mountain 1.5 Billion years ago which explains...” only to be cut off with “The earth is only 6000 years old”. Bloody hell

That person is in the wrong group.

Why waste everybody’s time? Why discuss world poverty with most billionaires? A person buying a painted canvas at Sotheby’s for $100 Million is not going to yield fertile ground on this subject. “19,000 kids starve to death a day you say? What a shame. At least I have this $100M painty-bit.”

It’s just better to be around those on the same page. Don’t get me wrong, diversity adds greatly to the depth of a conversation but let’s not have somebody bringing a chainsaw to a vasectomy.

This brings me to The Bank of course.

We go to different bars for different reasons. Sometimes it is to watch a game while enjoying wings, or to have a drink after a hard day at work, or to let loose and meet people we will like.

The Bank was built for the latter.

The Bank is the place we go when we dress up a little and want to engage people on that same page. People that share the idea that their night is for fun not fighting. For being respectful not belligerent. For feeling safe not threatened. For those that want to let loose…not drink to oblivion and vomit stain a poor defenseless bathroom.

I find I have a better time at The Bank then I have ever had at any other bar in any other City. That is not nepotism talking, that is my honest feeling. And it’s not the venue…it’s the people.

It’s really nice being surrounded by people I’d share a cigar with.

A Christmas List

2010-11-24T17:53:00.016-05:00

Buddhists tell us we must remove desire in order to achieve happiness. There is a certain logic and continuity in that line of thinking. You see, if we are too busy desiring more how can we be truly happy with what we’ve already got.

It reminds me of that song lyric “If you can’t be with the one you love baby, love the one your with”. It’s a particularly rousing burble, especially when Uncie Bear is wailing it. Perhaps Stills was a Buddhist.

In my youth when I would long for a young lady, I was quite sure she smelled like a summer’s meadow, could recite Shakespeare by heart and always told fascinating anecdotes. Of course none of that turned out to be necessarily true.

Of useful note, I was not such an exemplary specimen myself. I was usually picked by team captains in the latter rounds for most sporting activities. I managed to narrowly nudge out the chess club types and convinced myself some vague favoritism must be discounting my prowess.

This of course was also not true, but rather my desire to believe it.

You know my Father likes to tell me that you must have your dreams…something to constantly propel you forward, to strive for. You must aspire for something more, something better.

This is another of life’s conundrums. Strive or be content.

If we were all to be Buddhists would we have landed on the moon, created democracy, produced the automobile or built nuclear bombs that could blow up the entire world 10 times over?

How to temper striving to be Masters of the Universe with the fulfilling complacency of “This is as good as it gets”.

This brings me to Christmas.

My girlfriend has been asking me recently for my Christmas wish list. A seemingly harmless question is it not?

To answer her, I must now ask myself “what is it that I want”. Would I like a book I probably won’t read? A tie rack for the ties I never wear? Or perhaps an even smaller iPod? One so small I will need to also ask for a small pointy stick just to operate it.

Prior to the question being asked, I wasn't even aware I needed anything. I was blissfully ignorant to these newly created cravings.

Instead my head now fills with visions of any number of possible articles that could sooth and sate some of life’s struggles.

The problem of course is…I know they won’t. Not really. Life never really fully converges with our expectations does it? Given time things seem to always fall a little short.

Take the miracle of flight for example. Two hundred years ago people used to take months in horse drawn wagons to travel from coast to coast, and people died attempting such an arduous trek. Now it takes 5 hours by jet… and yet those damn seats are just so uncomfortable.

This brings me back to those young ladies who ultimately told fairly average anecdotes after I took off the rose tinted glasses of desire. I have learned not to let desire build such unrealistic expectations. Much like when I order Chinese Food.

Certainly we have all outgrown the ability to be as a child who, with unbridled joy Christmas morning, tears open the gift that is sure to make everything instantly wonderful. Therefore is a Christmas list even worth the effort for us now? Should Axl Rose still be attempting to making records? I’m not so sure.

So in this one small Buddhist-like way, rather than thinking about what I want this Christmas…I’ll be trying to be more appreciative of what I already have.

It is not an easy task, mind you.

Of course, if I were an actual Buddhist this might be easier.

Dammit. There I go again…desiring something else.

Something a Little Different

2010-11-16T13:57:00.006-05:00

Click on the link below to watch the short video.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0mtv25Juxlc

The Party is Over

2010-11-08T15:46:00.020-05:00

The American Election is now in the history books and many are wondering…what was that all about?!

One such person is Bill Maher. On his HBO show Real Time he pontificates “If you can vote for Bush one year, then the next election for Obama and then go back to John Boehner; you’re not Independent, you’re schizophrenic.”

Obama apologists believe the Tea Party distorted a decent record while Obama himself thinks that the problem was “communication”. That is like taking your car in for servicing because the brakes are squealing but the man at the garage tells you the problem is your radio is on too low.

I find it weirdly amusing that what happened could be so misconstrued.

Allow me start with two truisms.

1- American Democracy is broken.

2- The American Economy is broken.

Starting with the former …The average American couldn’t run a successful corner store so why would we expect them to properly run the entire Country through their voting?

Of course the way around this is an “informed public” but thanks to a ridiculous media that idea is dead. Dead as dead can be. As dead as slavery in the civilized world…or your chances of getting a Government Pension if you are currently under 50.

Couple this with the corruption of the actually government itself…I mean if these politicians had to wear badges announcing their true allegiances they would look like NASCAR Drivers. Although they would have to be 150 ft tall to provide enough room for all the necessary corporate logos.

The final straw for Democracy is the crazy elections themselves. To get a Republican Nomination you must clench guns and bibles so vigorously that metal and paper become one. To garner the Democratic Nomination you must promise to pay for everyone everywhere while defecating reams of peace signs.

These nominees then abandon all their “core principles” as they now work to deceive independents in the actual election. Politicians are like prostitutes. They both have the ability to pretend to like you, while they are fucking you.

And the best thing is…you have only these two "bought and paid for" choices.

Did I say best thing…? That’s not right…………I meant worst thing. Having only these two choices is the worst thing.

The whole thing is a mess. And if I’m being honest… better entertainment value than anything on TV these days.

A far as the Economy goes…it is in even worse shape. Under Employment is a staggering 20%. The debt has reached an astronomical $750,000 per household (including entitlement programs). And if you taxed every single person at 100%...they would still be running an enormous elephant killing deficit!

Meanwhile American Citizens want all the perks when asked.

In California where the public has to vote on propositions to change their budget the problem becomes clear. Want to cut Child Services? “No thank you.” Want to increase taxes? “No thank you”.

People want it all…for nothing. Democracy in action.

You won’t get sanity from voters when another side is busy telling them what they want to hear. It’s like your dentist telling you to brush your teeth when a strange bloke in a suit enters the room saying that he knows a dentist that has proven brushing your teeth will lead to Armageddon.

Voters in the past held their collective noses to believed the lie they knew to be false…because they still could.

This brings us back to the past election. This was not an Anti-Obama or Pro-Republican vote. These people did not “fail to understand” nor are they schizophrenic.

They are awakening to the truth and they are exercising the only choice they have at their disposal. Fire who's in office by voting for the new person.

Although politicians continue to lie for votes and Corporations keep creating false narratives…the results can no longer be hidden from plain sight. These people are broke. This system is broken. And finally....the people are facing it.

I sum the election up in 4 words. The natives are restless.

A Salute

2010-09-11T14:46:00.004-04:00

Nine years ago today was a day we will always remember. Let’s not delve into the silly and say “things will never be the same again”. On the contrary here we are living demonstratively the same lives we did before…except for the men and women in uniform.

When Obama announced the Afghanistan surge over a year ago his then (and now more infamous) General McChrystal addressed the troops as we watched by satellite. He told these soldiers they are there to protect and liberate the good Afghani people.

Wait a tic…somehow I don’t think that was in the recruitment brochure in Pawnee Rock, Kansas. “Go to the arid Middle East to risk your life for people you’ve never met.” Met? Hell most Americans couldn’t point out Afghanistan on a globe. Their maps are of the cartoonish variety and point out burger joints...and Nascar venues.

Here is what I reflect on, on a day such as this…America has Military Bases in nearly a third of the world’s countries and give or take a platoon, 500,000 troops. That is astonishing to me.

This is certainly not a rant about the Military Industrial Complex. It is just an observation of a perplexing priority.

The US is drowning in debt. When Bush took office the accrued budget deficit was $4 Trillion. It was $8T when he left less than 2 years ago and now it is $12T. They are now digging the hole faster than Paris Hilton and Lindsey Lohan can go through a bag of Bolivian marching powder.

They need either a huge budget cut or a massive tax increase pronto. However if you DOUBLED the personal tax rate currently in the US, there would still be a shortfall. Surely absurdity has been reached.

Experts have gleaned that the only expenditure large enough to cut and make a difference is those innumerable foreign bases. Now don’t think for a second vacating these would leave the US vulnerable. They still have 1,000,000 uniforms at home, more sophisticated machinery that every other nation COMBINED… and of course THE bomb.

What they would lose however is their ability to exert pressure in those other countries where many multinational corporations are the benefactor.

Ah there is the rub.

The US is not a country defending borders or ideals anymore. It hasn’t been since the end of WWII. It is a country defending markets. Markets that are the life blood of its economy and its cushy position at the top of the heap so their flag waving populous can continue getting morbidly obese and stunningly distracted.

So as we all watch the News reports of the Memorial services and the drums are beating for those poor families and the brave men and women…remember that rousing number is cutting two ways.

Summertime Musings

2010-07-14T15:42:00.005-04:00

Summer is half over…or we have half left depending on how you view the glass. Yep, June, July and August is all we get in The Northern Bear so let’s take a recap on what has happened thus far and what lies ahead.

Summer Blockbusters

This has been the worst summer for movies in recent memory; from the unwatchable (Sex in the City / Jonah Hex) to the underwhelming (Prince of Persia / Robin Hood / A-Team). The only two decent flics so far are Iron Man 2 and Get Him to the Greek. However, not a single movie has fully captured us yet so here’s hoping Leo’s Inception does the trick or else I’m stuck with my “The Hangover” DVD!

News

I’ve heard about some sort of an oil problem in the Gulf. Ok so it’s dominated the news…and it’s just depressing. Is it just me or does anyone else thinks Obama should have immediately set BP aside and told the Admirals and Generals of his multi-trillion dollar military “I don’t care what it takes. Procure any and all resources necessary. I want this geyser of oil stopped. Now!” Give BP the bill after it’s over. Instead were left to watch inept corporate bumbling.

One gets the feeling after Afghanistan, Iraq, New Orleans/Katrina, Wall Street, Bank Bailouts and Unemployment that the USA just doesn’t know what the fuck it is doing anymore.

G20

Twenty leaders pow-wowed in our back yard to continue to decide the fate of the world and came up with seven useless resolutions. How useless you ask? Here is one of those resolutions:

3. We agree: Members will at least halve their deficits by 2013 and stabilize government debt-to-GDP ratios, or put them on a downward path by 2016.

Now does everyone see the joke? They “agree” to drastically reduce debt in three years OR reduce it a smidgen in six years. Six years is of course past most of these leaders’ tenure AND leaves the high minded declaration for the three years totally negated. Nice work morons.

Kick Ball

Here is my opportunity to upset all you football/soccer fans. Spain won the World Cup and managed to “score” 8 goals in 7 games. That is 1.14 goals per game for the World Champions. In the last 4 games (and they won all 4) they scored 1.0 goal per game en route to their “victory”.

Spanish transplants globally showed nation pride for this auspicious achievement with little plastic car flags and horn blowing. Whatever.

Basketball

LeBron signed with Miami and the Cleveland Cavaliers owner publicly attacks King James’ character. Listen here turkey. LeBron fulfilled his contract. He even out-performed. If he wants to go somewhere else it is his prerogative. He’s not a slave asshole.

Political Correctiveness

Helen Thomas, a member of the White House press core for 5 decades and an honorary doctorate 30 times over was forced to resign after she said Israelis “should get the hell out of Palestine. Remember these people are occupied and it’s their land”.

I have no dog in the Israeli/Palestine fight nor do I necessarily agree with her. Having said that are you not allowed to voice an opinion now? Is this that much different then saying America needs to get out of the Middle East? And aren’t we a stronger society if we have open dialogue on contentious issues? Forget silly anti-Semitic or anti-Muslim name calling, isn’t there something of value to discuss there? After all people are dying as a consequence.

Weather

May was a peach but June was a deluge. Rain rain rain. So far July has been a sweltering mess. What happened to a regular ol’ 24 and sunny day? I have high hopes for the next month and a half and on that note: Get out there and enjoy the next few weeks!

Think of all the things you wanted to do in the winter when we had frozen-bound cabin fever…and get out there and make a memory! Last chance for the summer of 2010.

Root Canal Politics

2010-05-14T14:32:00.005-04:00

The following piece is from the New York Times, written by Thomas Friedman. I actually met him in a line up at Pearson Airport last month and recognized him from his “The Daily Show with Jon Stewart” appearances.

Perhaps our chance encounter led to him writing this article that is dead on accurate. Perhaps not…especially considering our meeting was brief and I was too busy complimenting him.

There are 2 beauty lines in this.

Enjoy!

DEATH NOTICE: The Tooth Fairy died last night of complications related to obesity. Born Jan. 1, 1946, the Tooth Fairy is survived by 400 million children living largely in North America and Western Europe, known collectively as “The Baby Boomers.” “We’ll certainly miss the Tooth Fairy,” one of them said following her death, which coincided with the 2010 British elections and rioting in Greece. The Tooth Fairy had only one surviving sibling who will now look after her offspring alone: Mr. Bond Market of Wall Street and the City of London.

Sitting in America, it’s hard to grasp the importance of the British elections and the Greek riots. Nothing to do with us, right? Well, I’d pay attention to the drama playing out here. It may be coming to a theater near you.

The meta-story behind the British election, the Greek meltdown and our own Tea Party is this: Our parents were “The Greatest Generation,” and they earned that title by making enormous sacrifices and investments to build us a world of abundance. My generation, “The Baby Boomers,” turned out to be what the writer Kurt Andersen called “The Grasshopper Generation.” We’ve eaten through all that abundance like hungry locusts.

Now we and our kids together need to become “The Regeneration” — one that raises incomes anew but in a way that is financially and ecologically sustainable. It will take a big adjustment.

We baby boomers in America and Western Europe were raised to believe there really was a Tooth Fairy, whose magic would allow conservatives to cut taxes without cutting services and liberals to expand services without raising taxes. The Tooth Fairy did it by printing money, by bogus accounting and by deluding us into thinking that by borrowing from China or Germany, or against our rising home values, or by creating exotic financial instruments to trade with each other, we were actually creating wealth.

Greece, for instance, became the General Motors of countries. Like G.M.’s management, Greek politicians used the easy money and subsidies that came with European Union membership not to make themselves more competitive in a flat world, but more corrupt, less willing to collect taxes and uncompetitive. Under Greek law, anyone in certain “hazardous” jobs could retire with full pension at 50 for women and 55 for men — including hairdressers who use a lot of chemical dyes and shampoos. In Britain, everyone over 60 gets an annual allowance to pay heating bills and can ride any local bus for free. That’s really sweet — if you can afford it. But Britain, where 25 percent of the government’s budget is now borrowed, can’t anymore.

Britain and Greece are today’s poster children for the wrenching new post-Tooth Fairy politics, where baby boomers will have to accept deep cuts to their benefits and pensions today so their kids can have jobs and not be saddled with debts tomorrow. Otherwise, we’re headed for intergenerational conflict throughout the West.

David Willetts, a British Conservative candidate and the author of a new book, “The Pinch: How the baby boomers took their children’s future — and how they can give it back,” told me that the Tories’ most effective campaign ad was a poster showing a newborn baby under the headline: “Dad’s eyes, Mum’s nose, Gordon Brown’s debt.” Beneath was the caption: “Labour’s debt crisis: Every child in Britain is born owing £17,000. They deserve better.”

What is most striking about the British election, said John Micklethwait, editor in chief of The Economist, was that it may be the first Western election “based on pain.” All the leading candidates warned voters that “cuts are coming,” but none were even close to honest about how deep.

Here is how The Financial Times described it on April 26: “The next government will have to cut public sector pay, freeze benefits, slash jobs, abolish a range of welfare entitlements and take the ax to programs such as school building and road maintenance.” Too bad no party won a majority mandate in the British elections to do this job.

After 65 years in which politics in the West was, mostly, about giving things away to voters, it’s now going to be, mostly, about taking things away. Goodbye Tooth Fairy politics, hello Root Canal politics.

It’s no fun. Just ask Greek parliamentarians, who, in the wake of announcing radical austerity measures, found their Parliament besieged by rioting anti-austerity protestors reportedly chanting, “Burn it down! That brothel Parliament!”

My takeaway is that U.S. and European politicians — please don’t laugh — are going to have to get a lot smarter and more honest.

To be the Regeneration, they’ll have to figure out how to raise some taxes to increase revenues, while cutting other taxes to stimulate growth; they’ll have to cut some services to save money, while investing in new infrastructure to grow economic capacity. We have got to use every dollar wisely now. Because we’ve eaten through our reserves, because the lords of discipline, the Electronic Herd of bond traders, are back with a vengeance — and because that Tooth Fairy, she be dead.

- Thomas Friedman

Patio Friends

2010-04-19T13:17:00.013-04:00

Barrie had one of the easiest winters in memory. Of course that is a bit like saying John Holmes was gentle in bed. Feel free to Google John Holmes if you were born after 1980.

Let me put it another way. The last time you laid by a pool and had to dive in because you were too hot was sometime in late August. That was almost 8 months ago! Use your fingers and count it out by all means.

Of course we are still months away from that actual moment. Sure we silly Canadians hold out hope for May 2-4 weekend to be our savior but the last half dozen or so have been miserable dreck.

It barely seems possible to think our Vitamin D deprived bodies could tolerate such a sabbatical from the true warmth of an actual sun. The one week at an all-inclusive is fine but not the soul sustaining nourishment we sun worshipers need.

What is the answer for us to maintain a semblance of a society that doesn’t fall into cannibalism simply for entertainment?

Patios.

Yes patios are the lifeblood of Barrie.

Great friends. Cold beer. Lakeview. Need I say more?

That brings me to SKYBANK. The boys and I start dreaming about re-opening the patio sometime in January and bring it up like Jewish Mothers mentioning their sons becoming Doctors.

The word SKYBANK alone puts a smile on all of our faces even when the winter winds are pounding and the sun rises about at high as Hugh Hefner sans Viagra.

We were fortunate enough to win Barrie’s Best Patio and Nightclub in a local rags poll. This is probably because most patios are pressure treated nightmare boxes and the other Nightclub is owned by a man in his 90’s I believe. Either way we’ll accept the accolade with pride.

You know the first time I talked with Sparty (Jim Garland) about buying the old TD Bank for our new club, a crazed mesmerized look came over his face. *see Homer Simpson and doughnuts. And he said “Imagine a roof top patio!”

I’m not a religious man but I do believe that was a religious experience. It’s one of those moments when your eyes widen as if making them bigger will help cram as much of this wonderful idea in your head as possible.

From that moment on we planned everything at The Bank with that goal in mind. No matter what it cost. No matter the obstacles. We were going to build the best goddamned patio we bloody well could.

Some people have made an interesting issue that we have six partners in The Bank. They say things like “Did you know there are like 20 partners?” I always found this vexing and quite missing the point. We are all the best of friends and I must tell you it is wonderful experience to share something as fulfilling as this has been with them.

I picture other bar owners as these Dickensian characters who slave over the young talented people running their business as they rub their hands menacingly together. “Here is one piece of coal for you but the rest is Mine! Mine! Mine! Now bring me all the young ones so I can feed.”

Ok I’m sure that isn’t true. Nobody uses coal anymore.

Recently my little brother Beacher (Joe Bubel) quit his job in Manhattan. So we did the natural thing and brought him into The Bank as a partner. It means we now have another great friend to enjoy that one little word….SKYBANK.

Again patios are about great friends. Cold Beer. Lakeviews.

It’s like that Robert Frost poem. Two roads diverged in a Yellow Wood so we took the one less travelled by and brought our friends. And that has made all the difference.

Thank you so much for joining us on our journey.

Bring on the sun and the patio people!

Canadian Dreaming

2010-04-13T14:02:00.013-04:00

The average price of a Canadian home is now $330,000 and that is almost incomprehensible to me, especially when the average Canadian makes $40,000 before taxes.

Historically we used to buy homes that were 3 times our gross income. Not anymore. Instead we have a relatively new phenomenon…household income.

The days of the stay at home mother are impossible for the vast majority so you now have 2 full-time workers that manage to push the average household income to $70,000 in our gingerbread house economy.

Let’s play the game shall we? It’s called an Average Canadian Household Budget.

Gross income: $70,000 Average Family (2 adults and 2 kids)

Taxes: ($10,000) - Healthcare isn’t free anywhere. Neither are Schools,Cops, Firemen, paved roads, garbage collection. ..

Car: ($9000) –Insurance, repairs and gas (as long as you don’t commute) included but you only get 1 Honda for the both of you.

Food: ($11000) -That is $7.50 per head per day! Steak is like a UFO on this plan…only specious claims of seeing one have been made.

Clothes: ($2500) – No power suits or catwalks here. Actually not even a Sears catalogue “look-away” pose.

Vacation : ($2500) – Come on…you have to give us at least 1 week away at a crummy all inclusive. Our weather sucks. Kids stay behind L

Savings: ($5000) – You are never going to be able to afford anything without savings. Also retirement needs to factor in and don't forget a rainy day back up fund (1 in 13 Unemployed Canadians know this). 40 years ago we used to save 10% but now 7% would be a John Lennon anthem.

Xmas/Birthdays: ($1000) –Peoples is your jeweler and you might go once every 5 years.

Entertainment: ($5000) - A dinner and a movie the odd time with a glass of wine and some wings and beer for the game. Aren’t we at the very least adults?!

Hair Salons and Tanning: ($1000) -It’s SuperCuts and pasty for us!

Electronics: ($1000) – This is a desktop every 5 years with the odd iPod and 32” TV. Not blazing a tech trail with this kind of money.

Gym Membership ($0) –Sit ups and push ups are more in our price range.

Cell Phone: ($1000) –You’ll each need one and no LD calls or Cadillac plans. Oh and never one for the kids….hollering will suffice.

Cable/Internet: ($1200) – Your life is basic cable.

Make Up, Sports Equipment, Concerts, Golfing, Weekend Trips, Shoes (this is for you ladies), Bedding, Small Appliances (irons, toasters, hair dryers, etc.), luggage, car wash, car seats, and the list goes on and on and on : ($2500) – I’m almost ashamed to put this number so low. A lot of hand-me-downs on this budget as name brands are for the rich.

Pets: ($1000) –Let us hope there are no serious Vet bills or else Rover won’t make it.

2 Children: ($3000) –This is a tough number to nail down admittedly and can swing violently up if you want them to go to University. Oh and forget daycare. Grandma better live close by and be available 50 hours a week.

Whew!

Ok now how much do we have left for a little thing called Shelter?

$525.00 per month.

You also have to still pay for heat, hydro, repairs, maintenance, lawn mowers, furniture, appliances, insurance, etc. etc. etc.

The average property tax for a home in Barrie is now $300 per month alone!

The conclusion?

The average Canadian can’t even subsist. Instead they have $0 savings (Imagine that John Lennon) and use that money to merely approach the lifestyle I envision the average family to have.

Next time someone tells you families nowadays have it too good…smack them.

Next time a politician tells you a tax increase is “no big deal” because it only works out to $1.50 per day (“ the price of a cup of coffee” one famously said) try and wake them up. Christ! In this scenario it’s 20% of what we are spending to feed a person!

If the average household somehow managed to cut expenses drastically enough to own a home and not go in debt that would be miraculous. If they could further cut expenses to realize the herculean task of actual savings (say 3%) then your “coffee” tax erases a third of that effort! I guess "Live like shit and work till you die" is the motto you are assigning the masses.

Here is another number. The average Canadian Male in 1968 (taking in taxation and inflation) made DOUBLE what the average Canadian Male makes today!

The average Canadian today is not greedy. Not careless. Not lazy. They are overworked and underpaid with no light at the end of the tunnel.

I need a drink! Oh and we need some real leaders because this shit…is not going to fix itself.

Fabulous Denial

2010-04-01T14:38:00.006-04:00

Priests were routinely allowed to marry up until the 12^th Century. There are of course conflicting views as to why a new doctrine of celibacy arose. Some say it was to ensure the Priests were “married” to the church and his flock. I say “his” because women cannot rise to priesthood. While others contend that it is beneficial for the Church to have disciples with no family to bequeath and dissipate wealth to.

Both are compelling arguments.

Now what sort of man would commit himself to a life of celibacy? Take a moment and think of those around you. I, for example, have some “devout” acquaintances but none that could accept such a Tenet for life.

Human nature and the sexual urge through many many millenniums of evolution would be a very hard instinct to suppress indeed. Being exceptionally devout, may not be enough motivation.

Let us also look at the genetic predisposition known as homosexuality. Homosexuality co-exists in the animal kingdom alongside heterosexuality and it is pervasive and natural. Given that understanding there will be devout homosexuals.

Here is the tricky part. The Pope and Roman Catholic Church believe they must “save” homosexuals from their “sins”. Perhaps you have already guessed where I am going.

A devout homosexual has no interest in women sexually. Therefore not marrying a woman is no great sacrifice. Furthermore their “urges” are believed “sinful” and should be repressed. So the church offers them the added bonus of both a refuge and the discipline to help overcome the “affliction”.

So there you have it. It seems debatable to me that homosexuals would have a greater propensity to become a priest than heterosexuals.

If this is true can I issue a statement to the hierarchy of The Roman Catholic Church.

“Please stop the self loathing”.

Time to embrace your inner diva and be proud!

The ones you persecute are yourselves and it is such a hateful waste.

Look at all the wonderful things you do when you fellas get together. The long flowing beautiful robes, the great hats, the candelabras everywhere (you guys must really love candles), the singing (you love soprano even more than the candles), the smoke being waved about, the stain glass and the gorgeous cathedrals. Jesus you guys know how to throw a pageant….oops service... I mean service.

So let’s turn the page shall we and get out of the ignorance of the Middle Ages Benedict baby. You, your Cardinals and your Bishops…are Here. Arguably Queer. And we are all fine with it.

Time for you to be.

Bye Bye American Pie

2010-03-22T12:46:00.017-04:00

America doesn’t manufacture anything anymore. Once upon a time not too long ago, that was not the case. America out produced the world.

When the good ol’ US of A joined the war effort in 1941 its productivity dwarfed other nations. In fact America’s industrial might produced more Airplanes, Warships, Merchant Ships, Tanks, Landing Craft, Trucks, Small Arms and Ammunition than all the other allies put together.

By the ’70 the United States was so powerful it ignored its own Constitution and changed the fate of the world with a stroke of a pen. They took THE de facto currency off the Gold Standard…and the looting began.

America is now a consumer economy, which is to say other Nations manufacture goods so Americans can consume.

If an American, Canadian, Asian and a Latin American were stranded on an island and tasked with preparing meals for survival: The Asian would construct the dinner table. The Latin American would harvest the fresh fruit and vegetables before preparing the feast. The Canadian would supply fresh water. The American would eat…and give us worthless pieces of paper for our contributions.

Now some economists will try and tell you our island economy is dependent on the American appetite. I disagree. I only see production being wasted on useless paper.

The reason the paper is useless is America is bankrupt even though no one wants to admit it.

We are told the value of the American economy (GDP) is $14 Trillion. The problem is…it isn’t. That number is fudged, cooked, padded. The US Government is making it up. Fully a third of that number is fabricated out of thin air.

The numbers on American inflation are also fictitious. When properly reported they indicate the stability and health of an Economy. Unfortunately the Government has quietly added words like Substitution and Hedonics so instead of a gauge for stability it’s a tool for deceit. They have been vigorously and systematically hiding the disease.

America is hard at work trying to tell the world that they will make a comeback and their credit is good.

It is not.

You may be wondering how this happened to the wealthiest nation in the world.

Corporate America took over the Government. And when it did it became about the pillaging of wealth and not the creation of it. Short term gain trumped long term planning.

It’s like that scene in “Goodfellas” when Pauly and the boys go from customers of the restaurant to part owners. Once on the other side of the till they rob the place blind and torch it for the insurance money. They had no interest in customer service. Money is money and easy money is the best kind.

The Government “for the people and by the people” is a mirage. Comparing Obama and McCain is as silly as arguing over puppets on the hands of the same person.

The fix is in. The deck is stacked. An elite "club" runs America...an we are not in the club.

America is no longer a functional Democracy, it’s a Plutocracy. It’s a place where the wealthiest 1% has the same buying power as the bottom 95%. The wolf is running the hen house. Feel free to feel nauseous.

Government debt is soaring in American. From $4 Trillion to $12 Trillion in a decade and you can forget rosier forecasts because the paper they are written on is as useless as its currency.

Add in entitlements programs like Medicare and Social Security (which only has a laughable I.O.U in its bank account because the Government uses this “pension money” as general revenue) and their debt is an astronomic $50 Trillion+.

In fact if you add up all the debts of America, personal and private, it equates to over $700,000US per household.

Now that is staggering.

By the way if you are in the stock market…my advice is to clear out of America at the very least.

The band is warming up and the fat lady is one hell of a singer. You can only sweep so much dirt under the carpet before the lumps eventually get noticed.

America is going to implode.

It may not be this year or the next. But it will happen.

There are ominous signs for Canadians as well. I see too many politicians more concerned with their careers than public service. Those people are the danger…they hide the cancer.

The impending fall of America saddens me. For the most part Americans are good honest people who got duped. It didn’t have to be this way.

I leave you with the words of John F Kennedy in his inspiring “City on a Hill” Address. He proved quite prophetic.

“From those to whom much is given, much is required…. Our success or failure, in whatever office we may hold, will be measured by the answer to four questions.”

First, were we truly men of courage—with the courage to stand up to one’s enemies—and the courage to stand up, when necessary, to one’s associates—the courage to resist public pressure, as well as private greed.

Secondly, were we truly men of judgment—with perceptive judgment of the future as well as the past—of our own mistakes as well as the mistakes of others—with enough wisdom to know that we did not know and enough candor to admit it?

Third, were we truly men of integrity—men who never ran out on either the principles in which they believed or the people who believed in them—men who believed in us—men whom neither financial gain nor political ambition could ever divert from the fulfillment of our sacred trust?

Finally, were we truly men of dedication—with an honor mortgaged to no single individual or group, and compromised by no private obligation or aim, but devoted solely to serving the public good and the national interest.”

-January 9^th, 1961

I wish these ideals did not become anachronistic. I really do. Alas, they are…and the lumbering husk of America is ever weakened and hollowed out.

What happens from here, I do not know. What will be the final solution of a deluded and proud Nation when the inevitable occurs? I can only guess.

I do have two simple wishes though.

That America keeps their grotesquely large arsenal on the sidelines. And that Canadians wake up and learn from America’s mistakes.

If a politician smacks of self preservation…do us all a favor and don’t vote for them.

Footnote*

Out of the 181 Countries in the world, the USA has the worst trade deficit ($731B in '08) by a mile. Most aren't shocked by that. The next closest are Spain ($145B), UK ($105B), AUS ($56B), Italy ($52B) and Greece ($44B). Still not shocked? It would take the total deficits of the 63 worst offending Countries in the world to equal the amount the USA went in the ditch last year alone.

Best of the Decade

2009-12-30T12:21:00.025-05:00

Best Pictures of the Decade

The privately run Federal Reserve spent more money in a year then the annual GDP of the entire nation...in secret.

The Hubble Telescope trained it's lens on a dark section of space, 1/10th the size of the moon. Galaxies with billions of stars were there for discovery. Amazing.

(click on pictures to enlarge)

Dec 26, 2004 a Tsunami created a 30 meter wave in Asia and claimed the lives of over 200,000 people in 11 countries.

This poor soul made his choice. Burn or jump.

Disgraceful.

"I hear you, the rest of the world hears you and the people who knocked these buildings down will hear from all of us soon". The rally cry that began two wars.

Feb 1, 2003 the Space Shuttle Columbia disintegrated on re-entry.

The small Palestine boy armed with a rock opposes an Israeli tank. He was later shot and killed.

Shock and Awe. Those three words no longer hold the same meaning as originally intended.

There isn't a person of a certain age alive today that does not remember this day. It was as if everything wasn't going to be alright for the first time...and we were scared in a very elemental way.

The setting sun....on Mars.

5 Best Movies

The Incredibles

Wedding Crashers

Gladiator

Y tu Mama Tambien

Barbarian Invasions

5 Best Athletes

Tiger Woods

Roger Federer

Lance Armstrong

Kobe Bryant

Tom Brady

5 Best Tech

Google

iPod

Facebook

WiFi

DVR

5 Biggest Stories

Browning of America. In 30 years white people will be a minority, most likely in perpetuity.

The Marketing of Obama. Some of the slickest branding since Ronald Reagan's campaign and massive outlays on TV elected the first Black President.

Uncle Sam takes over. Bailouts for Wallstreet and takeovers for GM and Chrysler. Never has so much money been spent so jarringly...except for...

The Secret Fed. $1.5 Trillion in TARP spending by the Government was peanuts compared to the $12 Trillion spent by an agency with no oversight that is privately controlled. We haven’t even begun to feel it’s affect.

WalMart. The retail chain became a retail juggernaut that makes gobs of money when the economy is good...or bad.

3 Things We Never Knew We Needed

Red Bull

YouTube

Wikipedia

5 Biggest Stock Winners

Green Mountain Coffee Roasters Inc +7,434% Keurig and gourmet coffee. What a combo.

Hansen Natural Corporation +6,455%. Energy drinks

Terra Nitrogen Company +6,156%. Fertilizer so a tomato only looks like a tomato

Southwestern Energy Corp +5,411%. Natural Gas is a hot commodity

Amedysis,Inc +4,452%. Health Services for the aging Boomers

5 Most Influential

George W Bush- Pre-emptive war was added to our lexicon

Osama Bin Laden- The face that launched the next wave of Imperialism

Ben Bernake- Current Federal Reserve Chairman and the most powerful man in a Global Economy ever. No one has spent more in the history of the world in so short a span. Did I mention in secret? Ok well I just did again.

Steve Jobs. From Pixar to iPods he is selling what the masses want. Style and substance carry the day.

L. Page and S. Brin. Google them. Oh wait they are Google.

5 Best in Science

Large Hadron Collider- The largest and most expensive demolition derby for protons ever.

Climate Change- Human causal or not it is a big story.

Stem Cell Research- Holds a possible key for much that ails us

Human Genome Project- Perhaps someday we’ll can scan a new date for a “pass” or “fail”

Ardi Hominid- Another ancestral link to Human Evolution. Can Creationists really believe the Earth is 6000 years old still?!

5 Best TV Shows

Six Feet Under

Family Guy

The Daily Show

Lost

Sopranos

3 Best of YouTube

Dick in the Box

2 Girls 1 Cup- If you haven’t seen it don’t. It the name of all things good and decent. Don’t. Consider yourself warned.

Lonely Girl- Dorks unite ... and fall in love.

Most Impactful Deaths

Pat Tillman

The NFL footballer/atheist that gave up millions to fight in Afghanistan. Only to be shot in the head 3 times by reported “friendly fire”. His clothes and notebook were burned by fellow soldiers in attempt to cover-up the cause of death. Tillman’s thoughts and grievances shared with his family about the expansion into Iraq were lost in that notebook. He went from a recruiting nightmare scenario to a re-branded patriot hero used to sound a call to service.

A world that more than ever...became about image/perception and no lie was too offensive.

Neda Agha-Soltan

27 year old Iranian woman was protesting the Islamic regimes fraudulent election and was shot dead in the streets of Tehran. Bystanders videotaped the incident and she became the face of injustice. Iran was not a country of Evil doers. It is made up of people like us...and right and wrong is not a punch line it is a brutal truth.

THE BANK SWAGGA Blog wishes for all of you in the coming years...the best decade of your lives.

-Life is complicated and far from perfect but it is still great.

Spreading "Democracy"

2009-12-24T14:38:00.003-05:00

I saw Avatar last night and I won’t mess about. It is Epic.

This fantasy movie has painstaking created a fully realized world so you can revel in your suspension of disbelief. The 3D is awe inducing and aids greatly in immersing you in a place that becomes very real.

It’s also a brilliant piece of business. More and more people are opting out of movie lines and smelly theatres when 50” plasmas adorn the walls of their comfortable homes. However you almost “have” to see this in a full size theatre to get the true affect. The box office will continue to reflect this I’m sure.

Now a lot of critics are complaining about the script and I am with them on that. We have heard Cameron wrote Avatar 12 years ago but back then he was clearly missing the archetype he ended up leaning tremendously on as a foil for the movie...George W Bush.

I don’t have a problem with the movie taking sides against Bush. He was at best incompetent and at worse dangerous, making him a tale of woe worth revisiting.

At times Cameron does a superlative evocation of our current political climate. When the Na’vi have their towering tree toppled the reactions shots could have been straight out of Ground Zero on 9/11. Very effective.

There is also a line Michelle Rodriguez delivers that addresses manufactured deception in order to fight that isn’t the most subtle but a passable allusion.

However I got frustrated with the overt use of uniquely Bush lexicon. Lines like: “Shock and Awe”, “Pre-emptive Strike”, “Fight Terror” is vernacular he gave the world to be sure. The problem is not that Bush shouldn’t be mocked. The problem is it ruins the escapism of the movie. You are pulled out of the experience of a far off planet in 2154, back to 2002...back here.

Why has Cameron done that? In my humble opinion it is because we are for the most part...morons. The theme of the movie is crystal clear. Harmony with our environment is more important than imperialistic gains. Unfortunately the metaphor isn’t enough and a chalk board has been carted out..and it is disjointing and disappointing.

Cameron deftly placed the highly desirable deposits the bad guys seek, underground and fancifully referred to them as “cheddar”. I get it is a metaphor for oil and that Americans don’t care what is in the way of that which they wish to obtain. However you don’t have to actually call the mineral they seek “unobtainium”. We get it. We should all get it.

Being consumed by the greed of attaining “things” to the detriment of “living things” is short-sighted, inane and possibly catastrophic. Great premise but no hammer over the head is needed.

Clearly Cameron’s original script had origins in Native Americans being slaughtered and relocated from their beloved land they connected with spiritually. What a tragic and shameful chapter in history that race and religion made them a lesser concern.

“I see you” was a simple, powerful and constructive means to buttress this point about a shared “humanity” being more important than perceived differences. “I see you” means you acknowledge “they matter”.

It is a very worthy picture. It does so many things so very well. I only wish it didn’t try at times to speak to those of us with a Grade 3 education.

-Life is complicated and far from perfect but it is still great.

Food For Thought

2009-12-09T21:46:00.002-05:00

Egyptians in the time of the Pharaohs (5000 years ago) routinely lived into their 80’s. Back then most cultures were lucky to see 50.

In modern day there is an equally fascinating longevity trend found in the mountains of Pakistan, Russia, Ecuador and Peru, where people are seeing 120+.

What exactly is going on here? Life expectancy averages here in Western civilization are barely 80 and people rarely see 100. Aren’t we at a Medical advantage?

I think it comes down to what we put into our bodies that makes the difference.

Isn’t it remarkable that when you cut/scrape yourself that your body just goes about the business of clotting up the wound and replacing the cells? Our bodies are the result of eons of evolution and have been continually tuning themselves for the purpose of survival.

The human body is mostly water so what other nutrients/building-blocks are at its disposal, to rely on for this autonomous healing power?

After Carbon and Nitrogen we are chockfull of trace elements. Phosphorus, Potassium, Sulphur, Sodium, Chlorine, Magnesium, Iron, Zinc, Copper, Strontium, Bromine, Silicon, Fluorine...hell the list goes on forever.

Therefore it seems rational that keeping a good supply of these minerals may be a key to our well being. However we can’t absorb copper by chewing on a wire, as our bodies cannot absorb elements such as metals directly.

We need a medium, a plant for example, to absorb these things out of the ground so we can in turn ingest and derive the nutrients.

Unfortunately the vegetables in your grocery store are no longer filled with most minerals. You see you don’t need all of these elements to grow a tomato that looks and tastes like a tomato.

Vegetables are instead grown from soil that has long since been sucked dry of the multitude of rich minerals as farms really only need to replace the Nitrogen, Phosphorus, and Potassium to rear a crop. And so they do. They are after all...a business.

This brings us back to the Egyptians who planted their agriculture in the flood plains of the Nile River. Every spring the Ethiopian mountains would produce a melt that bore down all of this natural goodness across these very plains annually.

The other mountainous regions mentioned above are right at the “tap” of the irrigation bounty. Their water is so cloudy with nutrients that it has been dubbed “glacial milk”.

I watched the documentary Food Inc. the other day and it just solidified my concerns over the quality of our food. Perhaps the rising rates in asthma, autism and diabetes have their roots in what is stoking our fires. Perhaps we look like tomatoes....but we too are woefully short on ingredients.

It’s common to hear stories of mothers-to-be having wild food cravings. Is this a body’s innate reaction to lacking nutrients needed to satisfy the leeching child?

You know a horse will eat the wood in its stall if you do not give it a block of salt to lick. That animal needs something in its system and on some very elemental level it will bite and gnaw everything in sight until it gets it.

Time for me to take my daily vitamins!

-Life is complicated and far from perfect but it is still great!

Barack Tiger Obama Woods

2009-12-03T14:55:00.004-05:00

Obama formally announced his decision to send 30,000 more troops to Afghanistan. This decision was shared informally a week prior so that the American public would have time to digest...oh and to give the media time to sell this strategy.

General McChrystal hours later told his troops "We are here to help the Afghan people". The obvious purpose was to get the soldiers in step with winning hearts and minds. However did these soldiers really sign up to risk there lives for the Afghan people?

Does this blog think that is the right thing to do? I honestly don’t know, but I do know I like what one pundit said. “Why are we using 100,000 troops for 100 people that wish us harm?”

I get that 9/11 scared the be-Jebus out of Americans (btw Obama deftly slipped in that fear reminder nugget early into his speech), but that was a different time.

The entire population is now aware of Jihadists. There are hundreds of millions of people constantly cognizant of such threats. This is not to say another “attack” won’t happen but I think the game has changed and working in anonymity is no longer a luxury Jihadists have.

I’m no pacifist but this war has been going on for 8 years now.

When I hear about young married men and women being sent off for 15 months to do a tour of duty I think about the social cost for those poor bastards. Who out there in their 20’s has a relationship that could withstand that? “Bye honey, see you in well over a year. Wait for me”.

Then you come to realize that a lot of these people have been sent there 3 and 4 times. Are you fucking kidding me?!

Jesus Christ no wonder Americans always pay lip service to the military. “Our brave men and women in uniform who exemplify...” is a nice line of homage to score points but it smacks of contrivance.

Reminds me of the South Park episode with Japanese businessmen distracting locals from uncovering their plot by saying ”You Americans have such large penises”.

Now I’m not going to get into the corrupt Karzai government that the US has helped install or talk of oil pipelines, quagmires, free elections and women’s rights. There are all kinds of tributaries to go down. I’m not even here to hack on Obama (although that Nobel Peace Prize might burn a little in his fingers now), all I’m saying is that we are always being sold something.

Want a recent example of being sold a story line? We were told (some people even believed) Tiger Woods was out for a shoeless, 2:30 AM, prescription drug-riddled drive when he crashed into a tree and his wife pulled him out of the car to safety.

Personally I wondered why she was the first one on scene when he ended up at a neighbour’s house. Then I wondered why they said she used a golf club to break a window and free him...only to find out she smashed the back passenger side widow.

Maybe...just maybe she was chasing his cheating ass and swinging a golf club on the side exposed to the house as he drove away.

Maybe...just maybe Obama is pitching America a palatable story and the truth is a lot more obscure than a spurned Norwegian. Perhaps we will never be told the full truth so we are left with only one reliable reality; that many more lives will be profoundly changed and in some cases ended, in a plight that may or may not be as it appears.

-Life is complicated and far from perfect but it is still great.

The Pitch

2009-11-26T15:07:00.013-05:00

Climategate broke this week. Now I’m aware polls say 75% of people agree Global Warming is occurring and I have no wish to didactically pretend I have the answers sitting in my house in Barrie. Because I don’t. I only have questions.

For those of you unfamiliar, the climatologist brain trust in England at the heart of the case for Global Warming, had their emails compromised and leaked to the press. These emails included exchanges regarding subverting data that did not confirm a warming trend now as well as omitting a previous warming trend in the 30’s.

You see in recent years the data shows the earth has actually cooled. This makes it hard to extrapolate the Al Gore hockey stick graph in his movie. Also a warming trend in the 30’s (that was obviously followed by a cooling trend) does not help ramp up a unique alarm either.

If these emails are true then the question becomes....why? Well there are a couple of possible motives.

1- Money. Scientists at the fore are given increasingly larger grants as this plight gains momentum.

2- Notoriety. These scientists gain great fame amongst their peers.

Those are two very powerful motivators that could cloud objectivity, which is to say human fallibility may be in play.

Personally I have been sceptical of Global Warming for two simple reasons. Neither which are proof that it does not exist, merely red flags to me personally.

1- Telling me the earth has heated up 1.8 degrees Fahrenheit in 100 years seems erroneously specific given we were were shitting in outhouses, traveling by horse and buggy and using Morse Code. How the hell do we know the Global Temperature so exacting back then? .-..-....-.-.---.-..-.--.- “Your temperature again Addis Ababa?" ..--.-.-.----.-.-.- "78.2 or 78.3?"

2- We have had roughly 60 Ice Ages in just the last two million years. That represents massive cooling followed by obvious heating by a planet that was sparsely populated with glorified monkeys on it. No Hummers or factories back then. Theoretically we are in between Ice Ages presently and therefore in a warmer period.

This is obviously a planet in constant flux regardless of humanity when it comes to varioutions in temperature.

Now I’m not saying we humans are not polluting and making a goddamned mess of things. If you’ve read this blog enough you know I’m not saying that.

What I have been saying is that knowing the actual problem and dealing with it is the least we can do. How are we going to address a problem if we can’t properly identify it?

I am of course happy to have the debate. Not with me mind you, but between those that should be in the know and without any perverting agenda.

Perhaps Global Warming is happening. However unless you know an accredited Climatologist with a peer review finding of unmolested data...then you have just been listening to someone else regurgitate something fed to them.

When Climategate broke FOX News treated it like the bombshell that would blow the roof off a hoax while CNN treated it as suspiciously timed and lacking context. Two major journalistic operations can’t even report like journalists. Both strike me as unfairly characterizing this and I question the media’s ability to properly inform its public.

I want to quickly revisit the money motive. Goldman Sachs is one of the big corporations that are supporting a Cap and Trade initiative that is supposed to counter Global Warming. This also smells to me. If this legislation passes there will be a huge derivative business created in which people with buy and sell allowances for pollution...which is to say the brokers will be making a mint regardless.

Don’t even get me started on the myopically self-serving politicians. There is an awful lot of suspicion to be spread around.

"...as soon as you lay your hands on a conversation to steer it, it's not a conversation anymore; it's a pitch. And you're not a human being; you're a marketing rep."

-The Big Kahuna

-Life is complicated and far from perfect but it is still great.

*The Wall Street Journal has captured the dilemma well.

http://online.wsj.com/article/SB10001424052748703499404574559630382048494.html?mod=googlenews_wsj

Need Space?

2009-11-18T15:51:00.003-05:00

If I were to scale up an atom’s nucleus so it was the size of a marble, would you be able to guess the comparative size of an electron encircling that nucleus? Or how far apart they’d be?

This question is really about space. How much is there in what we perceive as solid objects and how comprehensive is our spatial grasp?

The electron in this scenario would be the thickness of a human hair.

Given this scale, I figured the electron would be a couple inches away from the marble-sized nucleus. Seemed reasonable. After all electrons whizzing about can’t be too far away or else we wouldn’t perceive objects as solid. Could we?

Turns out the electron is 10,000 feet away!

Next time you look across Kempenfelt Bay (roughly 1 mile), think about the distance from shore to shore. Picture placing a marble on the one side then picture a pin head sized electron twice the distance away encircling/vibrating and giving everything we know density.

Amazing.

This epiphany proved useful to me when I visited the Natural History Museum in Manhattan. They have a similar scale-comprehension for the known Universe...and I was in awe.

They had this immense sphere (Hayden Sphere pictured above) that was 87 feet across (volume of 10 avg. homes).

Using that sphere to represent the known Universe (13.5 billion light years across) then a grain of sand inside it would represent a collection of galaxies known as the Virgo Cluster (home to our galaxy).

If you were to then blow up that grain of sand (Virgo Cluster) to the size of that 87 foot sphere...then another grain of sand within that new sphere would represent our entire Milky Way Galaxy (a galaxy containing 100 Billion stars).

Scaling up that newest grain of sand (Milky Way) to the size of that 87 foot sphere...then our entire solar system would be a grain of sand inside of that sphere.

Finally, the earth would be a grain of sand within our solar system blown up to that 87 foot sphere.

This exercise was nearly impenetrable to me at the time and I still struggle grasping it.

Want a little more fun?

The Space Shuttle orbits the earth at 25,000 feet per second. That is 8 times as fast as a bullet from a rifle. At that speed even something with the mass of a paint fleck leaves a significant impact on the shuttle (no resistance in space).

The speed of light is 40,000 times the speed of the orbiting space shuttle. Jesus that is fast. At that speed, our Sun’s light still takes 8 minutes to travel the 93 million miles to our beloved little orb.

In a Universe that has perhaps 100 Billion Galaxies and each Galaxy having perhaps 100 Billion stars each...makes the amount of stars border incomprehensibility.

The closest star to us, after our own sun, is 40 Trillion kms away. Which is to say if we could travel the speed of light (320,000 times faster than a speeding bullet), it would take us 4.3 years, give or take, to reach that lone closest of stars.

Just don’t run into anything of any mass at that speed or else “trip cancelled”!

Also worth noting is that is a long long way for E.T. to travel if he is fortuitously next door.

At that absurd speed it would take you 13,500,000,000 years to cross the known Universe. That is 160 million life times, traveling the speed of light. Inconceivable.

All of this got me wondering about the striking similarity between the infinitesimal nature of the particles within the atom scale and the equally dwarfing Universe scale.

Between the stars and the atom, there is really a lot of nothing...in absolutely everything.

As my good friend Sizzler says "it brings new meaning to making something out of nothing at all".

-Life is complicated and far from perfect but it is still great

Verbal Abuse

2009-11-04T21:43:00.008-05:00

“Free to talk?”

This represents a sent text msg and it seems simple enough to me. It’s a new society and it has officially become rude to just call somebody’s cell for casual conversation without a feeler. That my friends, is an unsolicited interruption our lives and as such, should be treated with courtesy.

The actual call is now a “Cry Wolf” privilege.

We have a social contract, a mutual understanding if you will, that if you call us it is important to speak with us right NOW. Your call will be answered on that basis, however if you are calling because it is merely convenient for you and you have not extended the courtesy to find out if it is convenient to us...then your privilege can and will be revoked. *Unless of course a regular phone-talk-live relationship has been established.

Just because it’s a good time for you does not mean it is a good time for us. Lives are happening and a call in the dark is akin to showing up on someone’s doorstep unannounced. You are dictating someone else’s time based on your momentary desire. To not utilize technology afforded is akin to saying “I know I could easily find out if they are free to talk but I don’t want to. I don’t want to make a small gesture of deference. I want to talk. I want to talk NOW!..and it’s not even urgent”

A simple text or feeler isn’t too much to ask. It is a grace, a consideration, a courtesy that says “Talking on the phone to you right now suits me. Does it suit you?”

Now if we are busy, busy with company or in the middle of something (watching a movie, exercising, doing our hair, using the lavatory, engrossed in a novel, having a nap, cleaning the house, fixing a latch, savouring a meal, contemplating life, balancing the check book) we can respond to a feeler text at a more appropriate moment with “In the middle of something. What’s up?” This exchange need not ruin what it is we are doing and affords leeway.

A phone call is ANSWER! ....... *ring* ANSWER! ....... *ring* ANSWER! ....... *ring* ANSWER! ....... *ring* ANSWER!

It’s not only selfishly myopic...it’s annoying.

Even better, save the person asking what the necessity is by giving them the heads up. Take the 10 seconds in a text and get to the import of the incursion. “Free to talk? Regarding _____”.

That second part gives us all the info we need. It’s pleasant, non-binding and considerate. Giving us, the solicited party, a chance to gauge the necessity of timing for the whole live-talk enterprise.

We have the technology. To have it at our disposal and not use it is being defiantly rude it would seem.

Those that fight this evolution because “they” like live contact are missing the point. Live contact is still doable, it’s just no longer acceptable to be dictated from one side. It should now be symbiotic. This is about mutual respect for time and not about phone conversation.

In short. Do not call people’s cell unless:

a) You have established a phone-talk-live relationship

b) It’s very important you talk to that person immediately

c) You have confirmed symbiosis and we are in fact....Free to Talk

-Life is complicated and far from perfect but it is still great.

The Manhattan Experiment

2009-10-29T13:40:00.006-04:00

I went to Manhattan to visit my little brother last weekend. It amazes me how many people have journeyed to The Big Apple. It’s as if it were a rite of passage. To go there is to add to the lapel of pins and badges we metaphorically show off to our friends and family. “Look where I’ve been”.

It’s not naked braying or something untoward. It is just a Bucket List item that we proudly check-off or sheepishly admit the omission.

Ok so I’ve joined the ranks of the checkers and I was not all that excited to do so. You see I’m not a big city kind of guy. I understand why on a sunny Friday afternoon the 400 Hwy is slammed with traffic like rats evacuating a sinking ship.

Manhattan is like Toronto but with more history, if you can call it history. We are talking about a Country who’s effectively 4 years old to the comparatively middle-aged Egypt. However it does feel substantial and purposely built by craftsmen. It feels like it wants to stay, wants to exist for a long long time. It’s this gravitas that makes it unique.

The Brooklyn Bridge for example was started in 1867. A rudimentary automobile was still 20 years from even being invented so it was the horse and buggy that moved the masses. Still they built this monumental edifice, the longest suspension bridge in the world at the time, rising 30 stories over the mostly frigid water and today it hosts 6 lanes of vehicles. It’s bloody awe inspiring to behold it.

It was the first city built for the modern age. The planners and builders of Manhattan boldly and audacious created an engineering marvel. A city that would become known as the center of the Universe to so many.

It accomplishes something else astonishing. It rivals Paris, Rome, Venice and London as an icon. Of course Hollywood being American helped. How many images have we been bombarded with in our lives? Central Park, Statue of Liberty, Twin Towers, Museum of Natural History, Empire State Building and the list goes on and on. Movies, songs and literature have seared this manifestation into our cultural psyche.

Personally I couldn’t get the Wayne Newton standard “Danke Schoen” out of my head. The one line played on a constant loop “...I recall, Central Park in fall”. Admittedly my exposure to that was from Ferris Bueller but if I’m being honest...I loved it. It felt right sashaying about with that soundtrack, like having your mother bring you some warm coco while swaddling you in a blanket in front of a crisp fire.

It wasn’t all great though. Seldom does the dream live up to the reality and Manhattan is no exception. It’s dreadfully full of people.

One gets the feeling that if the last ice age hadn’t deposited a large basin of too soft to build soil in the middle...there would be no park at all. It would be endless concrete canyons. That despite all its charms and accomplishments, it feels as though you are among a devastating number of stacked shoeboxes housing human specimens in an immense scientific tool chest.

Also everyone has their own little fashion uniforms it would seem. Wall Street tycoon? Slick suit, skinny tie and coifed hair it is then. You have inner pain? Boots, skinny jeans and hipster hat.

It is as if even the entire populous is on a cat walk. “Now here is Sarah at a sidewalk cafe sipping champagne and sporting a trendy handbag that says I’m available but don’t approach unless you can afford the lifestyle.”

Manhattan has been checked off however my pin doesn’t feel so shiny. I’ve left my little brother behind and I’d like him returned from the experiment unharmed please.

“Live in New York once, but leave before it makes you hard; live in Northern California once, but leave before it makes you soft.”

-Baz Luhrmann

Life is complicated and far from perfect but it is still great

Truth Be Told

2009-10-21T22:17:00.004-04:00

I was recently talking to someone about a mutual friend who had broken up with their significant other. The platitude exchanged was “at least there wasn’t someone else”. Of course what is meant by that is the person leaving was not doing so because of another romantic entanglement.

I guess that might be true...

This is something we all hear. It’s the “go to” in the relationship-ender scene. Invariably when two people break up they ask the other “is there someone else?”

The canned response is “Of course not. There is no one else”, which in turn is believed at about a 50/50 clip.

Ahh human nature to believe what you want to believe.

There is the rare occasion when the person actually wants out because it “wasn’t working”. Bravo in this case as the honesty has given them both the opportunity to glean from the experience and is the proud choice. But man is that rare. Like albino grasshopper-monkey rare.

Some of The flee-ers will fess up because they’ve pretty much already set up permanent shop with the third party and the realization is inevitable. That’s a toughie. Not only have they been dipping in a third party pool...they’ve been doing that shit for quite some time. Time heals all. Let’s move on shall we.

Unfortunately most of these people have in fact been free-lancing and simply decided against making a messy situation messier. Why bother when you are on your way out the door?

Now why do I believe there is usually “someone else”? Speaking generally...Relationships are Security.

It is hard to cast off a blanket of security for the fear of the unknown. Cue the Hamlet reference...”makes cowards of us all”.

Therefore people tend to have third party security (the best kind of security because it has that new car smell and...well...security) giving them the courage of their convictions to actually leave .

Personally I’d like to believe in the fairytale. That everyone polices their actions perfectly and that what people say is the absolute truth. The reality is something very different.

The bust rate on divorce is well known. Half of all marriages end in divorce. Marriages that usually involve children, mortgages, intertwined friendships and family, capped off with a vow of undying love...end in failure 50% of the time.

Heck the other 50% who stay married are no screaming hell either. Most seem like manageable hell to me. Therefore believing someone who is dumping you is statistically naive at best.

Perhaps with matters of the heart statistics are best left alone. The dream is good sustaining stuff.

If you try and fail in an attempt at relationship bliss, don’t beat yourself up over “someone else” or even lower yourself to ask. The response will most likely be bullshit. Just dust yourself off and focus on all the annoying goddamned traits that you don’t have to put up with anymore.

-Life is complicated and far from perfect but it is still great

Quacks Like a Duck

2009-10-14T23:59:00.005-04:00

Has the power of positive thinking run amok? I had a sophisticated person the other day try to “enlighten” me about a book that talks about the power of positivity. We’ll leave the title a secret.

Evidently by sending out positive vibes into the universe, you can attract wealth now.

This is the newest incarnation of an old concept. People have been alledging that good vibes can heal what ails you for eons. There is no scientific facts to support such a theory but it seemed relatively harmless to “put on a happy face”.

But let’s take a bite of the reality sandwich and call this what it really is. Bullshit.

I think it’s gone too far and is no longer innocent smiley-faced delusion.

Hell I’ll even put aside the inference that the sick and the poor are filled with negative energy and thus causing their own dilemma. Remember, two-thirds of the earth’s population doesn’t have enough food to eat. So it would be preposterously pompous for the “manner born” to not only imply such a thing...but to believe it?! Yuck.

All this silliness has pervaded everything we do. We have real problems that require pro-active solutions by serious people. It seems a lot of people have gone from pretending things will turn out great...to actually relying on it.

The Economic crash was not a fluke. It was conceived from eternal optimism. Home values will go up, money will keep rolling in, living beyond our means isn’t a real concern, etc. And we aren't out of the woods by a long shot.

How about the environment? Everything is fine. Sure we have some people pointing out facts (scientists) but we have puppets (politicians) smacking their flippers together thinking this is the prelude to Annie singing “The Sun Will Come Out.....Tomorrow". Meanwhile what is really being done?

I think people need to get their heads out of the clouds. Positivity has gone from harmless to dangerous... and I wish more people would get back to the three R’s. Reason. Reality. Responsibility.

-Life is complicated and far from perfect but it is still great

Waiting For The Next Wave

2009-10-08T19:42:00.007-04:00

History is a funny thing. It lays out our past in a timeline filled with interesting peaks and valleys. Valleys would indicate wars, famines, plagues and such, which mire such a timeline with great consistency.

Whereas the peaks strike me as far more intermittent...and extraordinary. They figuratively plow the road for a perceived gradual progression. Perhaps that perception of consistency is misleading.

One of my favourite movies is The Barbarian Invasions and in it there is a scene that illustrates my point on these epiphanies.

It appears mankind’s peaks are Punctuated Equilibrium to Darwinian Evolution, which is to say apparent sudden changes happen that greatly benefit the species. To the species as a whole they appear gradual however to an individual mortal wearing its monkey suit for 80+ years, they appear dramatic and sporadic.

The movie puts forth the notion that revelatory intelligence is not consistent and gradual from the human perspective, but rather intermittently bold and supported by a national collective.

This is a fascinating premise.

There are seemingly great expanses of time that nothing much changes. History is besieged with these periods of malaise as mankind rides along on the shoulders of past giants until...boom. Brilliance once again reveals itself in very defined pockets.

Here are some examples elucidated in the movie.

416 BC Euripides premiers his “Electra”. Two rivals attend, Sophocles and Aristophanes as well as two friends, Socrates and Plato. Quite a gathering of intelligence in one spot at one time in history. Philosophy is born.

1504 Palazzo Vecchio on facing walls were two painters: Leonardo da Vinci and Michelangelo. Also present was an apprentice named Raffaello and a manager Niccolo Machiavelli. Art and the art of power undertake a transformation.

1776-1787 Adams, Franklin, Jefferson, Washington, Hamilton and Madison. These men crafted the Declaration of Independence and the Constitution giving rise to the most powerful nation on earth.

There are many more example of these pockets of surprising brilliance. Shakespeare and Marlowe. Galileo and Kepler. Descartes and Pascal. Nietzsche and Strauss. Edison and Ford.

However I feel we are currently in the doldrums.

When I was a small boy, Epcot Center at Disney World offered us a glimpse into our “Jetson-esque” lifestyle of the 21^st century. It was magical.

You see the 70’s was a heady time. America had actually landed on the moon 8 short years after JFK set it as a goal in 1961. Epcot decided based on further consistent breakthroughs, by the year 2000 we would be living in a world of flying cars, automated mastery and medical marvels.

Unfortunately the last thing I remember Doctors curing was Polio and we still drive around in glorified Model T’s.

One may argue that there are examples of brilliance in our lifetime, but of the evidence before me thus far, I would disagree. Sorry to those hoping I would conclude with the "Double O" (Obama/Oprah) crescendo.

We are consumed by money and money was not the ultimate goal that led to the great moments above. I don’t think greed/capitalism is likely to be the answer, for it is mostly a myopic and self-serving vision. It would seem high minded quests for beauty and truth hold the truer promise.

Perhaps we are due for some greatness...a bastion of brilliance that will lift all boats. I’m not giving up hope that somewhere out there as you read this...something tremendous is brewing.

-Life is complicated and far from perfect but it is still great

Reality TV on HBO

2009-09-30T16:15:00.007-04:00

Bill Maher is doing some of the best stuff on TV right now with his show Real Time. He is the first to awaken to the reality that Bush wasn’t the problem....it's all politicians.

This is a bold embrace for left leaning talking heads. Jon Stewart and Stephen Colbert are still finding solace in “Democrats are better than Republicans”. However, watch closely (and I do). The conviction is failing.

Maher is alert to the necessity of change for the greater good and is frustrated that “hope” is fading.

These blogs are waning in interaction...understandably my words have lost some lustre. Perhaps Mr. Maher’s words will stir something J

Please enjoy the link.....

Skip to the 2:18 mark. Copy and Paste

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uc3MqM5R550

If you like what you see, the whole episode is there in parts 1-5. Or Rogers On Demand (Episode 169)

Good stuff people!

-Life is complicated and far from perfect but it is still great

Time Well Spent

2009-09-23T21:40:00.009-04:00

Something light and airy for this week...Entertainment it is then.

Next time you find yourself in Blockbuster and feeling ashamed for walking out with “17 Again” only because it’s a “New Release”, write these down and bask in brilliance.

5 Best Movies of All Time

5. The Godfather Part II. I feel silly saying anything about a movie so widely accepted and critically adored. Suffice it to say....everything you’ve heard/read/seen is true. This is a masterpiece.

Lasting Impression: Justification is dangerous. It creates the illusion that reason has been applied and unreasonable acts can be undertaken, reasonably.

4 Tie. About Last Night. Rob Lowe and Demi Moore fall in love for the first time. How this real love reveals itself to them is more powerful than expected and they react to it in very different ways. Yes it is a relationship movie but it is so much more than that. It is soaring, moving, tragic, frustrating and funny. David Mamet wrote this for the stage but here it is staged beautifully.

Lasting Impression: Love is intoxicating for the fearless young, however it will scar the naive just as quickly

4 Tie. Scarface. Forget that it’s in every Hip Hop library, this was the Godfather for the next generation for a reason. Tony Montana wasn’t a Cuban as much as he was the embodiment of what America had become...brash, fearless, obnoxious and ignorant. Tony was America on cocaine. Driven by greed and consumption, he crashes headlong into honour and integrity. This is all that is good and bad in everyone. The spectacle is at times intoxicating and repulsive but always irresistible.

Lasting Impression: To have it all you have to risk it all. A grotesque illustration of a man will little morality losing all morality.

3. Beautiful Girls. Parts are uneven and there is flat out misses in this movie, however, when it is right...it is so right. It captures better than any other movie the innate problem with the “relationship male”. Men aspire for the impossible, a mate that is a perfect 10. As long as this is considered “possible” then the “hope” of it in any form keeps the dog futilely chasing cars. “Nothing changes in the Ridge but the season” and men unsettlingly prove it.

Lasting Impression: That the hope in us all is a double edged sword. While looking for something better we may miss what is best.

2. Good Will Hunting. There is a critic in all of us and this was one of those movies that left me saying “I wish I wrote that”. Matt and Ben deserved that Oscar because this script was gorgeous, flawless...perfect. They invite us to gauge the import of potential versus happiness. ”In 1905 there were hundreds of professors renowned for their study of the universe, but it was a ... it was a 26 year old Swiss patent clerk, doing physics in his spare time who changed the world.” If only that were true today, but the boys got it right and made it about the journey…made it about a girl.

Lasting Impression: You may conquer the world, cure cancer, be a captain of industry however none of that speaks to your individual happiness when your head hits your pillow at night.

1. The Shawshank Redemption. You simply don’t get better than this. A great movie is infinitely watchable. I have seen this movie 30 times and it still reveals a new gem worthy of savouring every time. Freeman’s laconic voice-over lines like “Get busy living or get busy dying. You’re damn right!” are pitch perfect and sustenance for your soul.

Lasting Impression: We humans can exist close to Hell as beauty can be found in the darkest of places. Hope finds us all.

3 Best TV Shows of All Time

3. Big Love. It sounds like a chauvinistic paradise to have three wives, each younger and more beautiful than the next. It is not. Take any relationship drama and compound it thrice and you will understand the fraying nature of this beast. Set to the backdrop of fundamentalist Mormon beliefs, you have a thought provoking indictment of all things society tells us to hold dear.

Lasting Impression: Being guided by beliefs can me blinding, difficult, confusing and rewarding...all at the same time.

2. Six Feet Under. Rent/buy these DVD’s people, you will thank me. This HBO series based in a Funeral Home is as dark and as unsettling as you would expect. Unexpected is how you are seated at the table of some of the most indelible characters ever developed on the screen. They still live with me to this day. The most powerful scenes come later when you come to know these people so well that a single glance conveys more than any diatribe could.

Lasting Impression: Our mortal coil is a frail thing. In nature we are insignificant, however to ourselves...we are everything.

1. Seinfeld. The show about nothing, taught us about everything. Life is what happens between all the big events of our lives. The day to day minutiae is humanity. That is where we live and breathe and that is where this 30 minute show takes us. It points a finger and says “stop taking yourself so seriously, it’s just life, have fun!” No show has ever done it better or funnier.

Lasting Impression: You’re not the only one living in your own strange neurotic world.

-Life is complicated and far from perfect but it is still great.

Signs Signs Everywhere Signs

2009-09-16T23:20:00.006-04:00

These Blogs are sometimes an interesting endeavour. I’ve been told that past ruminations have actually offended some people. Was I really too hard on MJ?

I get lots of suggestions for topics, however I grow a little gun shy of sharing my thoughts on a great many for just that reason. This is a blog attached to a business, a business that hopefully appeals to everyone.

My intent is not to offend people with my thoughts and opinions. I simply wish to entertain and perhaps evoke a response...ideally both.

Astrology is a touchy area for example.

Human Nature 101 is to “believe what you want to believe”. With such an edict intact it is very difficult to change people’s opinions and some people get offended if you tread to closely to those beliefs.

Here is my humble and hopefully thoughtful attempt at exploring the Zodiac.

Years ago I saw a retired Magician on TV, pretending to be a Professor of sorts, walk into a College lecture and inform the class they had fortuitously been chosen for a unique study. All would participate in an elaborate astrological reading done by the very best astrologers in the country.

They took home their forms and filled them out as the information needed was very specific. Required was the time and location of their births to the minute, as well as their parents.

The “Professor” returned 3 weeks later with 3 pages of detailed analysis on each individual. The students sat at their desks and read the fruits of the labour.

The class was a lecture hall and my memory serves that there were approximately 100 students.

After reading their analysis, the students were given 5 categories in which they would grade the accuracy by the show of hands.

VERY POOR. No hands went up.

POOR. No hands went up.

AVERAGE. No hands went up.

GOOD. About 1/3 of the hands went up.

VERY GOOD. About 2/3 of the hands went up.

Pretty conclusive that the job done was spot on based on this result.

The students were then asked to pass their analysis to the person behind them. A few moments later they realized that everyone was given the exact same analysis.

These were not individual works done by renowned astrologists. It was a lone document created by a retired Magician.

This left an impression on me. A very strong impression about the way we humans are. Even more indelible was that some of the students argued afterwards. A few refused to discredit horoscopes at all based on such a display as they recounted instances when they have been correct in the past.

To hear these people talk you would believe they have been objectively scrutinizing the results over the years and concluded the “hits” vastly outweighed the “misses”.

However could it be akin to our propensity to remembering the bad things people say about us, over the good....in reverse?

I simply proffer the question of what is more likely. That every twelfth person on the planet is fantastically bonded in a fatalist journey?

Or that each sign of the zodiac has characteristics...human characteristics that we all have...that we have talked into greater existence?

For example every child is told their Sign. The next progression is to ask what their sign means. If they are a Scorpio they are told they are passionate. If they are Virgo they are told they are analytical. If they are Taurus they are told they are loyal.

Now all humans have the capacity to be passionate, analytical and loyal.

Is it not possible that we are simply positively reinforcing some traits over others?

I tried to locate the video of this TV show to no avail. I did however find a similar one in a smaller class with the same man at the helm. It lacked the set up and punch of the one I am drawing from but it does convey a similar affect.

Copy and Paste

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tFwOeXi3Yz8

And why the picture of Carment Electra? Well she shares the same April 20th birthday as a man responsible for the deaths of 50 million people.

-Life is complicated and far from perfect but it is still great.

Hi Ho Hi Ho

2009-09-09T19:47:00.005-04:00

September is an interesting little bugger of a month. It marks the sad end to our already truncated summers here in The Great White North. Having said this, as I write I am enjoying a reprieve poolside with a wee cocktail.

School is back in session for those who still hold hopes for a brighter future. That is if the rest of us stop screwing things up for them. Young girls and boys will again begin the time honoured dance of establishing themselves within their peer groups in much the same way a wolf pack organizes.

There will be posturing by politicians. After all they had the entire summer off and they are fearful we may actually realize how useless and unnecessary they have become. So they’ll puff out their chests, pound the table and display their feathers in an inane attempt to remind us why we need this inept ruling class.

The leaves will slowly turn at the same rate Christmas decorations start to infiltrate the stores.

It also marks the start of arguably the best professional sport, the NFL and judging by the sweatpants and potato chips on any given Sunday...I am not alone.

There will be those who will cling to shorts a little longer in an admirable attempt of denial as to the bane of living above the 44^th latitude.

Bumble Bee school buses will appear and multiply as if they have been secretly gestating underground for months...and I will be reminded of my good friend and miss him.

September 11^th will once again ubiquitously rear it's ugly head as we now have a moment akin to our parent's and grandparent's recollection of JFK's death. We too remember where we were on that day that looked liked everything may not be alright. And it scared us in a very odd and elemental way.

TV shows begin their new seasons as the drooping sun sends us inside a little earlier each day to rekindle our love affair with our televisions. This is LOST’s last season and unfortunately I have to wait till January for my last ravenous fix.

The “Song of the Summer” is gently placed in the annals for posterity. BTW my vote is for the anthem "I Got a Feeling" by the Black Eyed Peas.

September is also the movie studios dumping ground for their refuse that wasn’t entertaining enough for summer fare nor elitist enough for Oscar contention. Usually a Rob Schneider movie would be slotted in this month. It is, however, a good reprieve from the sticky guilt of wasting 3 hours and $9.50 to see Transformers II.

Personally this is the time of year when I reflect on change as a natural segue. I start to plan again and cast my gaze on things to come. The summer is a bawdy time of devil-may-care indulgence, while September reminds us all that there is always work to be done.

We at The Bank couldn’t let the spectre of work crush our collective and kindred spirits.

So we’ve launched a new night at The Bank.

VAULT Thursdays.

We’ve hired the best DJ’s from Toronto and by all accounts these young men are excellent at doing what we still all need....a small deserved respite from all the hard work going into our plans for the future.

For all work and no play...would be missing the entire point.

Let’s make it a great September everybody!

-Life is complicated and far from perfect but it is still great.

Perspective is the Rub

2009-09-03T11:58:00.006-04:00

I recently had a birthday. Not a huge fan of being reminded that behind the minutiae and distractions of day to day life lies the fact that life has an end and we are all moving inexorably towards it.

That sounds a wee bit dour but it is a nice reminder to carpe diem (seize the day) for there will come a time that the end of days will seize us.

I was struggling with just such a concept on my 27^th birthday a few years back. I was with my friends Druxy and AdRock and after many celebratory libations for yours truly, we went out in Druxy’s boat late that night to float on the placid waters of Kempenfelt Bay.

It was a beautiful warm and breathless August night, the kind of night that is so very rare in this neck of the woods. The moon was nigh, casting a glimmering streak on the expanse of water leading to our craft akin to an illuminated runway back to shore.

And there we floated.

We floated and talked about the future that lay before us and how we could best navigated our paths to capitalize on all that is best in this ephemeral life.

We came to the conclusion that happiness was the ultimate goal.

I know, not exactly a shocking revelation. However, so often in life we get the goal but miss the point as we did that night. We took happiness as the imperative to be treated as a quest against a callous external world.

I think this is the nexus to “mid-life crisis”. Generally speaking we educate ourselves to enter the work force and accumulate wealth. We meet a girl/boy, settle down, buy a house, have 2.1 children, a dog, 2 cars and vacation in the temperate south.

On the way along that journey we still have hope of attaining each covetous goal and this sustains us. Perhaps the problem is we get to the end and have accomplished the goals set before us by society and we still don’t feel happiness. We wonder if we missed something. Did we not do as expected and should we not be content...happy?

I think middle aged angst that manifests itself in the indulgence of youthful whims is simply confusion run amok.

In the movie “Dead Poets Society”, Ethan Hawke’s character recites his poem feverishly as his teacher clasps his hand over his eyes. Here is that poem.

"I close my eyes and this image floats beside me
The sweaty-toothed madman with a stare that pounds my brains
His hands reach out and choke me
And all the time he's mumbling
Truth, like a blanket that always leaves your feet cold.
You push it, stretch it, it will never be enough
Kick it beat it, it will never cover any of us.
From the moment we enter crying, to the moment we leave dying,
it will just cover your face
as you wail and cry and scream."

It’s the blanket metaphor that defines life for me. It is never going to fit just right. If our right shoulder gets cold we pull the undersized blanket over it, only to expose our left foot. It works temporarily but it is not enduring and the discomfort has merely spread to another location.

This brings us back to happiness. We spent hours trying to define it in that night of floating.

We knew we aspired to it and wanted our lives to embody meaningful clichés such as “love what you do”, however how many people do you know that have a job they love going too? Or a perfect relationship? No money woes? Content with their appearance?

The answer to attaining happiness is not definable and not universal. It may be quite different to each of us on that boat, as it may be with you who are reading this. The outside world pushes back on each of us in different ways, at different times and will continue to do so. I wish I had a dénouement to this blog...an answer with a nice bow or a promise of a bigger blanket. I do not. I therefore leave you with hope.

“The basic thing is that everyone wants happiness, no one wants suffering. And happiness mainly comes from our own attitude, rather than from external factors. If your own mental attitude is correct, even if you remain in a hostile atmosphere, you feel happy.”

-DL

Perception is reality once again.

-Life is complicated and far from perfect but it is still great.

Some Emails are Worth Reading

2009-08-26T20:59:00.005-04:00

More often than not, when someone is telling me a story all I can think about is that I can't wait for them to finish so that I can tell my own story that's not only better, but also more directly involves me.

Nothing sucks more than that moment during an argument when you realize you're wrong.

I totally take back all those times I didn't want to nap when I was younger.

There is a great need for sarcasm font.

Sometimes, I'll watch a movie that I watched when I was younger and suddenly realize I had no idea what the fuck was going on when I first saw it.

I think everyone has a movie that they love so much, it actually becomes stressful to watch it with other people. I'll end up wasting 90 minutes shiftily glancing around to confirm that everyone's laughing at the right parts.

How the hell are you supposed to fold a fitted sheet?

I would rather try to carry 10 plastic grocery bags in each hand than take 2 trips to bring my groceries in.

I think part of a best friend's job should be to immediately clear your computer history if you die.

The only time I look forward to a red light is when I'm trying to finish a text.

A recent study has shown that playing beer pong contributes to the spread of mono and the flu. Yeah, if you suck at it.

Was learning cursive really necessary?

Lol has gone from meaning, "laugh out loud" to "I have nothing else to say".

Whenever someone says "I'm not book smart, but I'm street smart", all I hear is "I'm not real smart, but I'm imaginary smart".

How many times is it appropriate to say "What?" before you just nod and smile because you still didn't hear what they said?

MapQuest really needs to start their directions on #5. Pretty sure I know how to get out of my neighborhood.

I would like to officially coin the phrase 'catching the swine flu' to be used as a way to make fun of a friend for hooking up with an overweight woman. Example: "Dave caught the swine flu last night."

I can't remember the last time I wasn't at least kind of tired.

Bad decisions make good stories

You never know when it will strike, but there comes a moment at work when you've made up your mind that you just aren't doing anything productive for the rest of the day.

There's no worse feeling than that millisecond you're sure you are going to die after leaning your chair back a little too far.

I'm always slightly terrified when I exit out of Word and it asks me if I want to save any changes to my ten page research paper that I swear I did not make any changes to.

While watching the Olympics, I find myself cheering equally for China and Canada. No, I am not of Chinese descent, but I am fairly certain that when Chinese athletes don't win, they are executed.

I hate when I just miss a call by the last ring (Hello? Hello? Damnit!), but when I immediately call back, it rings nine times and goes to voicemail. What'd you do after I didn't answer? Drop the phone and run away?

I hate leaving my house confident and looking good and then not seeing anyone of importance the entire day. What a waste.

When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.

Sometimes I'll look down at my watch 3 consecutive times and still not know what time it is.

I keep some people's phone numbers in my phone just so I know not to answer when they call.

Even if I knew your social insurance number, I wouldn't know what do to with it.

- the above was a forwarded email.

I will return to blogging my own material next week...celebrating my Birthday today!

-Life is complicated and far from perfect but it is still great

Goodbye Dear Friend

2009-08-20T02:11:00.006-04:00

“I never had any friends later on like the ones I had when I was twelve. Jesus, does anyone?”

-Stand by Me

This is a quote that resonates with a lot of people as it seems to be a universal truth.

I like to think of the people I grew up with as friends that held a piece of the jigsaw puzzle that put together the man I am today. Each person who held a piece had a hand in the final product. Even if it was just a small piece, an edge perhaps, if they were in my circle of friends they held pieces integral to this picture being as it sits today.

I look back at those formative years and I may not be cognizant of exactly the interplay that went on from them to me but I do recognize it as familiar. When I see people from my past I have this knowing nod as if to say “Hey it’s you. You, who helped put me together.”

Perhaps that is what they mean in the movie. Perhaps that is why we don’t have friends like that anymore. The picture was eventually finished and became the construct of our very lives. We simply show it around to new suitors as if to say “Hope you like it because basically...it is what it is”.

That is not to say you won’t have great friends later in life. It simple means they aren’t the same kinds.

Some of my closer friends growing up had many many pieces. They helped fill in large gaping holes that were under construction and a work in progress since I took my first steps. These individuals are hallmarks of the life we are living now and will continue to live within us in perpetuity.

I lost such and individual on Tuesday.

We hadn’t connected as much over the past few years as our pictures went in different directions. Life has a way of doing that. Regardless, that young man held so many damn pieces of me his name would’ve been on the box.

For a full decade we were virtually inseparable and he brought vibrance and texture to my otherwise ordinary puzzle. He made me a better man. I challenged him on religion and politics and he countered with character and integrity. Can’t help but feel I was an unfair beneficiary.

Stanley Roy Sinton died Tuesday.

He died from Cancer ...and I can’t help but feel a strange sorrow in losing him forever. I will never again see my friend. I will never again see that little fella with all those familiar puzzle pieces strew about him. And it makes me so very sad.